Deus Ex: Invisible War

Tonight on WHEN GOOD GAMES GO BAD.

 

I’ve played Deus Ex: Invisible War already a while back for 3 hours according to Steam. My original impression was that the game sucked. Having played and finished the original Deus Ex, I considered that maybe my newly acquired sense of Deus Ex lore and context may provide the missing link enjoying DE:IW. Nope. In fact, knowing what I know from the Original DE, as well as my experience with how good it was actually just tells me that this game sucks even more than I had originally thought. I can’t believe how far it fell. Everything about this game just feels wrong.

Continue reading “Deus Ex: Invisible War”

7 Days to Die (Completed[?])

 

*Note: To get straight to the review, skip the Foreward.

–Foreward–

There are those in the world that are architects. Put them in a room filled with Legos and they will construct a complex model of various structures, roads and buildings. There are some that are artists. Put them in the same room and they will build a clever work of art out of all the pieces available to them. Then there are people like me. People with the capacity to construct, but have no desire to do so on its own. People with the creativity to create, but lacking the motivation to do so without a purpose. You see, people like me need structure with purpose; creativity with function. If you put me in a room filled with Legos, you would soon find me creating rules, mechanical structure, objectives, goals, obstacles and enemies; leading to an ultimate confrontation hidden somewhere deep within the mystical Lego kingdom. Then I would invite some friends over to try it out. That’s where games like 7 Days to Die come in.

 

Continue reading “7 Days to Die (Completed[?])”

Deus Ex: GOTY (Completed)

 

 

First Impression Review

Lepcis and I have been busy lately pretending to be adults, which has left our attention to PICD a bit scarce. Rest assured, our passion for gaming in all forms has never ebbed, it has merely had to be redirected in a few ways to better mold to our schedule. So what has ol’ Chezni been up to? Well, aside from repeatedly getting my Runner teeth kicked in by the NBN corporation controlled by Lepcis (click here if confused) I’ve been dumping my free time back into Deus Ex: Game of the Year Edition. Continue reading “Deus Ex: GOTY (Completed)”

Deus Ex: Game of the Year Edition

 

Completed Review

 

You gain Brouzouf

You gain Brouzouf

You gain Brouzouf

My legs are ok

It all makes sense now… thanks to…

 

 

So I didn’t grow up getting to play Daikatana, Perfect Dark, System Shock, Deus Ex, or any of the other popular sci-fi futuristic FPS’s when I was a kid. I don’t think I was ever necessarily against them, but I think the age of the intended audience when these games were being released was generally above mine and my parents weren’t keen on giving me access to “mature” games. Luckily, in the recent years I’ve gotten to play a couple of these kinds of titles and some of them have been fantastic–E.Y.E. in particular (although this didn’t come out until 2011). All the while I was fascinated with E.Y.E., I kept reading references that it was largely inspired by Deus Ex; there’s even a monster in E.Y.E. called the Deus Ex Machina (which I know is also a saying but shutup). I don’t know why I was surprised when I turned on Deus Ex: Game of the Year Edition, but Deus Ex’s mechanics are very similar to E.Y.E.’s and in some cases I love Deus Ex’s even more-so.

 

 

Deus Ex is a sci-fi futuristic FPS with some basic RPG elements, a real-time body-part injury system, an equipment inventory feature (with plenty of items to pick up) and a choose-your-own-adventure playstyle where you get to solve the missions the way you want to. Similar to E.Y.E. (or vice versa), in the world of Deus Ex people are just as much machine as they are human. Cyber implants are installed to boost performance in specialized fields, personal batteries need recharged to power augmentations and vast bodily injury is not only sustainable but quickly repaired given the presence of the appropriate medical robots. See that picture up there? It doesn’t look too impressive (or hilarious) until you realize that that I have no legs. During the training exercises in the beginning of the game, I accidentally blew my own legs off upon which I was relegated to using my arms to crawl around on the ground at the speed of a snail while leaving a blood trail. See that guy in the window? He’s one of the training instructors. He just watched me the whole time. I’m convinced he’s jackass.

 

 

It didn’t take me long to figure out what kind of game I was playing or what I could expect after a couple rounds on the first mission. Upon the mission’s start, I grabbed some booze and an open can of soda lying on the docks, proceeded to talk to my brother and drink the open can of soda, tried to taze a robot with a stun rod, got filled with a copious amount of machine-fired bullets and bled to death on the docks. Thinking I should take a wiser approach, I decided to avoid the robot and search around for anything to aid my in my quest. I found a crowbar, and as any reasonable person would, began bashing in nearby crates to see if they had any goods. Running into a UNATCO Troop who was aimlessly walking around, he greeted me with “Welcome aboard, Agent.” Immediately, I identified such complacent courtesy with the actions of a double-agent, so I began to bash his face in with said crowbar. Luckily I was able to part his soul from his mortal container before I was gunned down on the spot by my very own brother–a clear sign that he was in cahoots with the conspiracy as well. My third attempt, my spirit left battered and bruised from my previous two, lead me to taking a desperate route where I beat any terrorist I found to death with nothing but a police baton. This revealed itself to be a surprisingly effective strategy until one of the terrorists decided to throw a poison grenade at me, resulting in my slow an painful death. Clearly this is the baton’s one and only flaw.

 

 

I went back and forth on whether this deserved Tier 1 or Tier 2 priority. Arguments for Tier 1 include getting to choose your playstyle, a somewhat interesting setting and mood, not babying your actions, having clear consequences for your actions, rewarding exploration and plenty of tools and gadgets for you to play with. Tier 2 arguments comprise of simplistic combat, a somewhat generic story (so far), a lack of in-game motivation to succeed (I’m not sure exactly why Denton is doing what he’s doing) and the talky bits can be a bit… well talky. In  the end, I parked at Tier 1–there’s just something raw about the game that provided the final tipping point. It’s the way that you’re left to discover the game on your own and figure things out–success is granted with reward and failure granted with punishment. Whichever side of the line you fall on relies on you. Now, that being said… just what am I going to do with this open can of soda?

Steam Link

Hitman: Absolution

 

Finally, I’ve reached the apex. The 5th Hitman game in my library. The final shot. The final chance for Hitman to right the wrongs, put all the pieces together and really deliver on something good. With a sigh I loaded…

 

 

Wow. How. Why?

These questions all came to my mind when , but do little for you, my reader, to implicate what emotion was attached to them. I can tell you that what I felt was a long forgotten feeling. Something that had only barely sparked while playing the first game in the series. Excitement. Interest. Fun. HECK yeah. Hitman Absolution is fantastic.

 

 

Wow.

So let’s start with the wow. Absolution took what was present in the previous 4 Hitman games and finally had the courage to push it to the next level. It probably helps that Square Enix was the publisher. Say what you will about their departure from the formula of the old Final Fantasy games, I guess money and experience are probably good ingredients for any game. The first thing I noticed when kicking off Absolution’s executable was the mood. Finally, the mood was right. Agent 47 had the perfect blend of foreboding brooding and silent power without overdoing it. His actions, lines, and mannerisms struck gold in the name of interest, clarity and entertainment all at once. The presentation of 47 was believable without being boring–power fantasy inducing without being gratuitous. For the first time in the franchise, I thought 47 was cool. For the first time, I wanted to be him.

 

 

How.

But enough feelings–here’s the list. Level design is fantastic. Pathways are clear but not blatant. Stealth and Brute Force now seem like equally viable options. Stealth options are clear with varying “puzzles” (like drugging a guard’s coffee) that keep it from just being limited to “steal someone’s clothes and walk slowly.” Brute force now feels fun instead of unrealistic–there are actual gunplay mechanics now. Cover can be taken because taking cover makes sense in a gunfight, but it does not devolve into just another cover-shooter game. Time slows down when you get a headshot on an unsuspecting target giving you motivation to aim for the head and be precise in your targeting–a case where mechanics and mood are confluent into the role that you are playing. It makes you feel like a hitman, who would want to leave as few bullets as possible.

 

 

If your cover is blown,  you can regain it by eliminating all who’ve seen you. Your actions and the way they affect the world around you and your score is very clearly shown through the HUD. Skills are usable through a rechargeable “instinct” bar which add a new level of strategy and technique. Enemies aren’t brainless–they move and act like intelligent people intent on self-preservation. Out of combat they react to you and each other in manners that add believability to their existence. There are tons of ways to solve your problems and you’re allowed to choose whichever method you can figure out. 47 drags bodies quickly (it’s about damn time). Stealth actually seems as fun as brute force–I felt like I was missing out by taking the bloodbath path on the first mission so much so, that I restarted the mission and did it cleaner.

 

 

Why.

After such a positive influx of gameplay I turned off the game, sat back and tried to figure out why the heck I was having such a better time. Was it because I expected to have a bad time and thus the bar was low? No, I expected to have a bad time for the 3rd and 4th installment. Was it because it was a more modern game? A game released by Enix, who could afford to throw in the extra kinds of lighting, special effects and graphical detail expected from a AAA title? Well, they certainly didn’t hurt, but some of my favorite games have graphics so ugly that it’s probably a sin, so I don’t think that was it either. Was it the sex-appeal from the shower scene where you fridge your former partner? Or the appeal of the school-girl, literally in a school-girl uniform? Once again, no, I was sold long before I got to these scenes. So what was it? Why is this one good?

 

 

Every time I think back to what exactly it was that I liked about the game, I keep going back one moment–how cool I felt sniping people in the back of the head with my silenced ballers. That’s it. That’s literally it. That’s what I keep referencing in my head as being the most satisfying. But why? I could have done that in the older games. Why was this one different? I think I have the answer. I already mentioned this earlier, but Absolution’s mood, setting and immersion is believable. Because it feels believable, it doesn’t feel like a cheap power fantasy designed to give immediate gratification for overpowering hordes of mindless victims. Because it feels believable, I feel like I’m actually overcoming intelligent opponents which makes me feel intelligent. If I sit back and think about it, I know it’s still a game, I know I’m just pushing buttons on a controller but while I’m in the game I feel like a super hero (or villain depending on how you look a it). I feel like a competent agent. I feel like a hitman.

 

 

This game is Tier 1 material. I just have to see more of what it has to offer. There are 12 different game-recognized methods for taking down the target in the Chinatown level alone. If I don’t try at least 6 of those, I’m going to go nuts. Until then, I remain disappointed that I was not able to enjoy the 4 games leading up to this one, but happy to see Absolution break much of the old game’s stale mold.

Steam Link

Hitman: Blood Money

 

Does anyone else think that Agent 47 looks like a giant bald big-faced baby? I am of course talking about our protagonist in…

 

 

I’m… not even sure what to say about this game franchise anymore. I’m going to once again ruin the ending and tell you the rating for this game now: Tier 2. Yes, after the last two Tier 3 debacles, Hitman Blood Money scrapes its way back up into the Tier 2 category. So why do I sound so nonplussed about it? Well, because in spite of having 4 games–4 damn chances to perfect their system, work out the kinks and really deliver–Hitman Blood Money just leaves me feeling as bland as ever about the series. Technically a “good” game but overall what feels like wasted potential, and a lot of it.

 

 

The story this time is… oh I don’t even know or care at this point. It’s agent baby-faced white dude 47, out to murder the crap out of a bunch more brainless idiots through a series of unavoidable missions briefed by the same woman from the agency that made her debut in Silent Assassin. Point-and-click third-person gunplay with weapons so standard that it hurts, planted explosives for obviously scripted events and enough fiber cord to create the world’s largest ball of string; Agent 47 isn’t going to wow you with anything new in this one. The most exciting addition to 47’s arsenal is the fantastical option to toss out some pocket change which he can throw to distract his enemies. Other than that, it’s all tactically and mechanically similar to our previous titles.

 

 

I guess that’s not entirely fair. You can now do things like hide bodies in containers, hide weapons in crates, hide in closets (a lot of hiding) and do a couple more silent kills (such as from above) but none of things really change the game itself. They all just feel like tweaks on what was already there. I think that’s my biggest complaint so far about the series as a whole. Codename 47 (the first game in the series) was as close as it got to making me actually feel like a hitman. It may have been a confusing mess of interfaces, blocky models and small levels, but it made me feel like I was doing what a hitman would actually do. In all the later titles though, I feel like the devs have just made a game that happens to be hitman flavored. It’s like the difference between eating cooked BBQ and BBQ flavored chips. The chips can be good, but they aren’t wholesome and could never truly substitute what they imitate.

 

 

In a sense, I almost feel like the Hitman squad has fallen into a the trappings of its own brand. They set the mold inadvertently with their first game and they keep revisiting it over and over as if they’re trying to make it just *that* much better each time. I’m glad they’re improving with each game. That much can be applauded–but I feel that the mechanics themselves (walk around, point and click to shoot, steal clothes, walk behind somebody, murder them silently, rinse and repeat) while okay were just that–“okay.” They weren’t great; a simulator of a hitman simulator. While they continue to polish and clean up their old system with each release, nothing new is gained or explored. Nothing is inspired or redesigned. This is the kind of thing I expect from other games that are based off of a set of fun and challenging rules–Fire Emblem being a perfect example. I’m not upset when I load up a new Fire Emblem game and find myself controlling tiny units on a grid, because that’s what Fire Emblem was designed to be–a tactical game where you control tiny units on a grid. That is the heart of what Fire Emblem is. The heart of Hitman? Stupid AI and boring gunfights. Woo.

 

 

Overall, I hate to be so negative in the face of improvement. I mean, there’s even more on the “better-than-last-time” list. You no longer soak up bullets like a sponge soaks up water, you can run in front of guards without them gunning you down now, the levels have a nice balance of openness yet definable pathways and strategies. However,  I think the biggest problem is that none of this strikes me as “fun.” I never have fun with the actual “doing” part of any of this. It doesn’t feel exciting, or creative or intuitive. I’m just not sure what my motivation for the series is anymore. I know I keep repeating myself but so does this franchise so I’ll say it again; I’m not exploring anything new in this setting anymore. This game has become stale. Luckily, I have but one more Hitman title to make my way through. Wish me luck my friends (or curse me if you happen to love Hitman).

Steam Link

 

Hitman: Contracts

 

And it was written in the book of Game Progressionis, chapter 4 verse 10: “…and lo, unto the success of shootin’ up thugs, villains and hookers bequeathed by the Auto of Grand Theft, truly I say unto you, all early 2000’s shootin’ games will neigh eventually succumb to the same mold–even Hitman: Contracts. אָמֵן.”

 

 

There are a ton of improvements between Hitman 2: Silent Assassin and Hitman: Contracts but I’m going to ruin the ending and tell you that sadly, in spite of all of its improvements, it’s Tier 3 material. As you probably gathered from the intro, it’s just another 3rd-person shooter Grand Theft Auto wannabe. I’d probably still rather play this than GTA as I generally find my motivation to immerse myself into GTA to be rather lacking (try actually following the law, it’s probably the most stupid kind of fun you can have in GTA) but H:C still doesn’t strike me as being worth much of anyone’s time who isn’t interested in just shootin’ up thugs and hoes.

 


 

Let’s start with the good–and I’m not kidding, there’s a lot of it. Level design has had a massive upgrade–the mission locations actually feel like real buildings. They’re big, have tons of doorways and passages and are not linear at all. Controls have only improved through the progression of the three games, with this one having the best. Movement feels less floaty, interactions with objects in the environment are smoother still, and it’s clear when and where you can interact with things. The environments are populated with a massive amount of NPCs really making the locations feel alive–almost to a fault. There were probably around 100 people on-site in the second mission and the game processed them all smoothly.

 

 

Going hand-in-hand with level design, approach to the level itself has mercifully gone back to “strategy discovery” instead of “choose your flavor.” There always seem to be a couple of different ways towards accomplishing your goals and none of them are painfully spelled out to you as in H2:SA. While it will always be easier to execute a bloodbath strategy on your first run through a level, I noticed several points in the level where a stealth approach would be just as viable. Oh, and speaking of stealth, guards no longer immediately gun you down from a football field’s length away for moving faster than a brisk walk–a complaint I made in my review of the 2nd title. It’s pretty safe to jog around a bit in disguise, as long as you don’t do it right in front of a guard or bump into them.

 

 

In spite of this vast list of improvements, I still can’t get behind this game. I appreciate the stealth approach but let’s be honest–it’s harder, requires at least 4 times the amount of time to pull off (when you factor in scope-out time, planning and actually executing the mission flawlessly)–it requires prior knowledge of the level, and in some ways is less exciting (albeit more rewarding). The game lends itself far too easily and just runnin’ in and shootin’ dudes. Don’t get me wrong–the game calls you out on it at the end of the level (after shooting up 55 victims that were not my 2 targets, I got the label “Murderer”) but I seriously doubt that the majority of the intended audience playing the game drew satisfaction from much else other than weighing people down with a couple ounces of lead. Additionally, the game doesn’t seem to penalize for it either.

 


 

Look, I have no qualms with GTA from a moral standpoint. I may think it’s portrayal of “gangsta” life is shallow, pointless and uninspiring, but I’ve never been the type to shame people for playing it due to its take on ethics. The biggest reason I don’t like GTA is that I find it mechanically to be an unfulfilling game. Combat is point-and-click at best. Weapons may have varying degrees of power but they are all executed the same. While you can have some exciting car-chases with the cops, I always found Driver to be much more fulfilling on this front (keep in mind I’m about 10 years out of date though). It seems that the reason a person would play GTA (and by extension, H:C) is to feel a rush of power from having the freedom to deface, plunder and kill every person you meet. Fair enough, but why can’t that be done on the backdrop of a meaningful game? You could basically do the same thing in Just Cause 2 only there were several other mechanics happening alongside it, not the least of which was creating some awesome Hollywood explosions in the name of “anti-terrorism.”

 

 

Back on track and to the final supporting point indicating the weak creation of an effortless power fantasy is the horrible and literally sheep-like AI that the NPCs, both armed and unarmed, display. It reaches a point in H:C that goes beyond a lack of self-preservation and enters into a realm of wince-inducing stupidity. In a room filled with about a dozen dancing people, around 2 of them armed, I was allowed to walk in and pick them off one by one (in various ways) whilst they took no notice of me, their murdered friends, or the puddles of blood that were undoubtedly beginning to pool around their still-dancing feet. Likewise, in a room where I was “discovered” by some guards who opened fire on me, I rounded a corner, picked a few of them off, walked back into the room and and the rest of them ignored me completely. I understand that I had the game on normal mode and not some of the higher difficulties, but I expect “normal mode” to be the “normal” method through which the game was intended to be experienced which seems to send the message of “you’re an idiot, so we made the enemies even stupider than you.” Bullet sponging is also on par with H2:SA, in that guards must empty rounds of clips into you before you finally die.

 

 

I’m glad H:C made some huge improvements over its two previous titles. I’m happy to see the levels themselves opening up and expanding into something that begins to feel exciting. Overall though, I just feel like this one is also not worth the time it would take to play it. What do you gain from it? What do you take away? Not a whole lot in any department.

Steam Link

 

 

Hitman 2: Silent Assassin

 

Oh early 2000’s. Was there anything you didn’t cartoonify? You didn’t even spare Hitman 2: Silent Assassin.

 

Okay, I’ve only played an hour of the first Hitman so I can safely say that this isn’t a case of “Hur dur hur, I luv da first game and it is bettaaar” fan-boyism. After playing H2:SA, I can say that it just feels wrongthe entire time I just kept thinking that everything about the first one was just better. But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s start at the beginning with the plot.

 

 

That picture up there of some young tomatoes? I bet you thought that was a mistake didn’t you? Nope. Now, I obviously didn’t finish the first one so I don’t know what exactly the conclusion was for Hitman: Codename 47 was, but whatever it was it lead our protagonist, the legendary Agent 47 to become… a gardener who lives in a shed inside the courtyard of a Catholic church. I’m not even kidding. The entire time I kept expecting the veil to be lifted and 47 to blow the local priest’s head off, revealing him to be 47’s long-stalked target or for 47 to throw off his gardening smock, whip out his guns and reveal that he had been using the folksy church gardener image as a ruse to somehow get closer to a target attending the church. I kept expecting… something… but nope. 47 is exactly what he’s portrayed as. This was not done for humor.

 

 

It’s not that I’m against the idea of a cold-blooded trained killer finding Jesus or something and settling down. It’s not that I’m against a story about a person having a change of heart. What I’m against is how out of place this whole thing feels. Nothing about it is believable. What’s even weirder is that the entire catalyst for the plot is that the priest whom 47 had apparently become friends with gets kidnapped by the local Don and so 47 digs up his old laptop (which must be like a million years old by tech standards now), briefcase and weapon stash so that he can contact the old agency he worked for to get the priest back. What ensues is what we in the delicate part of world like to refer to as “having the shaft worked upon you,” as for what little of the game I played was nothing but a series of excuses to go out and murder tons of dudes which supposedly put you one step closer to rescuing the priest.

 

 

There are many quality of life improvements in this sequel over the original, but it’s at the cost of mood, immersion and freedom. Controls are much more intuitive and movement is so much smoother comparatively. Graphics are much rounder as well and don’t hit uncanny valley as hard as before. Mechanically speaking, you can now drag bodies around to avoid their discovery, take people out non-lethally with anesthesia, and look through keyholes of a door before entering. While all this is nice, there was far too much sacrificed in its place. First, the story is contrived at best. Next, instead of getting to choose your loadout for the mission, you just take whatever they give you–if you need other equipment or weapons you have to find them on site. I literally found a sniper rifle just sitting in a garage next to a car that I used to assassinate my main target in the first mission. How convenient. Thirdly, you still get to solve the puzzle of the mission the way that you want to but it just feels like choosing a flavor instead of discovering a strategy. Do you want to sneak in as the mailman, the grocer or the guard? The results are all largely the same.

 

What’s wrong guys? I thought this was where I was where you wanted me to drop the groceries off!

 

That’s the other thing–it feels like this game wants you to move as slowly as possible all the time. You have to wait for characters to slowly creep around until they’re where you need them to be. You can’t run up to any of the people who’s outfits you want to steal because you’ll alert them. You can’t run while wearing an outfit or you’ll create suspicion. You can’t let the body of the outfit’s original owner to be seen, unless you slowly drag it somewhere out of the way. Look, I understand that in real life all of these things make sense, but they make for a very dull game. In the end, I just solved the first mission by running in and creating a bloodbath. It’s not like I couldn’t take enough bullets. Once, upon being discovered by two guards, I sat still and let them shoot at me to end the mission. Both of them together had to shoot and reload their clip 3 times before finally killed me. I was standing about 5 yards away from them. I was completely motionless.

 

 

This game isn’t atrocious, but I feel that it’s a rather large waste of time. It just feels so goofy compared to the first one but not in a good way. The manner in which you steal different flavors of clothing almost makes it feel like a cartoon and sets a very strange mood when compared to the original. Tier 3 is where it belongs, playable only to die hard fans and those with a large amount of time to waste.

Oh, and on an unrelated note, this Scarecrow turned its head to look at me. Nothing can convince me that it’s not alive.

Steam Link

 

Hitman: Codename 47

Have you ever wanted to be a bald, soulless, featureless shell of a hit-man? Me neither. But hey–with Hitman: Codename 47, you can reap the exciting benefits of such a life with none of the consequence!

 

Hitman: Codename 47 is the first in its long legacy of 8 games to date. Loading it up, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect as I’ve never even seen a second of footage from any of the 8 games (although I remember seeing a lot of promotional cardboard cutouts in Gamestop when I was a kid). H:C47, in spite of being a bit dated did not fail to impress me on a few fronts… just don’t look too closely at the graphics.

 

 

From what I can tell, you’re some sort of “produced” hitman, complete with nondescript features and a barcode on the back of your head. The tutorial is your last training mission, whereupon its end you must kill a guard, take his clothes and escape your prison under the watchful gaze of a mysterious man in front of a green-lit computer. I feel a bit stupid, but after trying the tutorial 3 times and failing, I had to look up how to do that last bit about taking the guard’s clothes which leads to my greatest complaint against the game; initially, nothing is intuitive. Take for instance environmental object interaction. In order to interact with a button that can do multiple things, you must first left-click on it, roll the mouse wheel up or down, choose which option you want, left-click again to exit the selection menu, walk up close enough to the object to interact with it, then push the interact key. Let me tell you right there, that for most games that would be enough for me to dismiss it on the grounds of unnecessary and confusing gameplay mechanics. Much can be forgiven though, once you get out of the tutorial.

 

 

The gameplay itself is a tried but somewhat underused pattern that hearkens back to 90’s gaming–choose your loadout. Each level begins with a mission dossier, something that pushes the plot forward a little bit and lets you know who and where your next target is. Then, from the funds you have available (which rollover from previous missions if you managed to save a few [thousand] bucks) you get to choose which weapons and gadgets you want from the list of things the agency can help you smuggle in. This is absolutely beautiful from an immersion and gameplay standpoint. First, it explains why you can’t tote in all the weapons you’ve cached up from your previous exploits and second, it lets each level become tailor-made while allowing a large amount of player freedom. Do you want to equip yourself to run in guns blazing? Do you want to take fewer bullets and try for accuracy to save on cash? Do you take a handgun with you as a backup to the sniper rifle in case things go south, or do you trust your in your skill and go sniper rifle only?

 

 

The levels themselves follow the same suit. While they are a bit small, you’re allowed to carry out the mission in any way and from any angle that you can find. Do you go for a clean shot from atop a building (if you can find one)? Do you take to the ground and silently kill off the guards one-by-one with your piano wire? The mission only gives you the objective, but lets you figure out how to accomplish them. No baby-hand-holding, no checkpoints, no mission markers. The way it should be.

 

 

H:C47 is not a perfect game at all. The controls are clunky, aspects of the game are not intuitive and its graphics haven’t aged all that well. None of that matters though, because at the heart of the game is something great–good enough to make it into Tier 2 in spite of its flaws. If you like creative problem solving and that sweet satisfaction of doing a clean run at a mission (avoiding the “cleaners” fees from being deducted from your reward) then this one’s for you.

Steam Link


Hydrophobia: Prophecy

 

Haha… well, it’s good to see that we’re still making games that that are teaching our tub-jawed meat-brained male populous how to be a good-guy stalker. I am of course talking about Hydrophobia: Prophecy.

 

 

Hydrophobia Prophecy is an “action” game where you take control of Kate Wilson, an engineer on some… ship… whereupon waking up on her day off, her peaceful home life is ruined by an unforeseen terrorist attack. To be fair though, most terrorist attacks are. In order to escape, you’ll control Kate as she runs around through water-filled corridors while some thick-headed smooth-talker tells you what to do and comments on your every little action. All the time. It never stops.

 

 

It’s hard to get a good feel for the rest of the plot beyond that in just an hour. While Kate seems to dream of drowning, she doesn’t seem to have a fear of water. The terrorists are boring and generic–kill all humans because they are overpopulating the earth (ship?). Generic cryptic “Kill Yourself” phrases and other messages are scrawled all over the place, many of which are only viewable when using Eagle Visio–er, I mean–hacker vision. Apparently this is the first chapter in a 3-part game that was cancelled after chapter 1. I have never understood why so many developers shoot themselves in the foot with this tactic. Very few single-chapter game series survive.

 

 

Gameplay is basically all the staleness of old Tomb Raider with none of the fun. Pathways are largely linear, stupid annoying collectibles are littered everywhere with little meaning to their collection and ladders–LADDERS my FRIENDS!–will be climbed. Admittedly, the water’s pretty and flows realistically, but it means little if that’s all we have. There’s a bit of acrobatics in Kate’s arsenal such as the ability to scale certain pipes on the wall and to swing from one pipe to another ledge (covering a distance of about 3 feet which, while realistic, is a tad dull) but it’s nothing special and frankly games should stop using the existence of linear wall-scaling as a substitute for real game mechanics. Even older Lara Croft’s exploits were not so painfully linear. No doubt later on we would gain some sort of power or fighting skills, but for a game that’s rated at 4~6 hours long I can’t imagine they would be that great.

 

 

The worst aspect of the game by far though is storytelling itself and the heavy lean towards the good-guy stalker syndrome. I once heard a quote concerning the newer Tomb Raider games that effort was being made on Lara’s model so that the players would want to “protect her.” This idea is repulsive on so many levels. There is absolutely nothing wrong wanting to protect a person. There’s nothing wrong that if the person you want to protect happens to be female. The problem is, that this is not how the sweaty-palmed male-targeted audience will receive these games–and it’s not how the developers designed them either. Kate is designed to be sexually appealing to hetero-sexual men. She’s well endowed, wears a skimpy skin-tight tank-top, taut jeans and has no bodily defect that would be considered unattractive. Kate is designed to titillate her male viewer, stimulating their primal urges into associating feelings along with the game that aren’t really there in substance.

 

 

Keep in mind here though, that Kate’s appearance alone isn’t the source of our problem. Our problem is that while she’s spunky, energetic and active, she’s also timid, innocent and needs the constant direction of the man in her ear, the alleged “Scoot.” Scoot is who the male audience is supposed to want to be. He’s fit, muscular, has a commanding American accent and has complete omniscience to Kate’s whereabouts and actions at every second of the journey. Jump to a ledge and he frets over her choice to take a dangerous route. Run into a corridor filled with water and he passionately yells at her “Don’t stop! You can do it!” Kate asks Scoot to leave her and find safety and Scoot responds with “No, don’t even think about it. You’re my responsibility and I’m staying.” Why is Kate Scoot’s responsibility? Why does her safety belong to him? Chivalrous bullshit, that’s why. Unless Scoot is Kate’s father (which is about as likely as getting the second chapter for this game) or some similarly audience-informed explanation, Kate belongs to herself. You want to know what’s worse? In the original Hydrophobia (yeah, this one’s a remake) Scoot was fat and had an Australian accent. He was not the mold that male players were supposed to inject themselves into so that they could feel one step closer to their precious Kate. The good-guy stalker syndrome devalues people (and in almost every case women exclusively) by assuming that their existence depends on the good-guy stalker.

 

In the end, this strikes a hard Tier 3 garbage level, only avoiding Tier 4 because the water really is so damn pretty. Otherwise? Why bother playing this misogynistic piece of crap. Old Lara Croft would have a thing or two to say about being sexy and “needing protection” and she’d probably say it while gunning down Bengal tigers, awakened dinosaurs and raider thugs with an arsenal of weapons that would make even Rambo nod his head in respect.

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