Maaaan, I just want to cut things.
Continue reading “Tiny and Big: Grandpa’s Leftovers (Completed)”
Tiny and Big: Grandpa’s Leftovers (Completed)
by Chezni Category: Completed
by Chezni Dungeon Siege (Completed)
by Chezni Neo Scavenger (Completed)
by Chezni Hey, let me ask you something. Do you think you know Fallout? *ahem* You heard me. Fallout. Do you think. You know it? Hey! Yeah, you with the fedora. I’m talking to you. Don’t you walk away from me. FALLOUT MOTHER$%*#@$. DO YOU SPEAK IT. Because I don’t think you do. I. DON’T. THINK. YOU. DO. Because you think Fallout is the original Fallout? Don’t make me laugh. It’s Wasteland. Yes, Wasteland–a DOS game–was the original OG which would inspire people to go on and make Fallout. And I’m here to tell you, that Wasteland is garbage. What does that make Fallout? Extra garbage. What does that make Neo Scavenger? Are you even worthy of uttering its name mortal? Neo Scavenger is freaking amazing, and is the best damn Fallout game you’ll ever play.
Exploding Kittens
by LepcisMagna 
Exploding Kittens is a card game claiming to be “a highly strategic kitty-powered version of Russian Roulette.” Until I started this review, I was going to file Exploding Kittens under Tier Two – not bad, but not anything there to keep you entertained past an hour or so. After reading that elevator pitch, I am inspired to write a bit more. The premise of the game is pretty simple: draw cards until all but one player has drawn an Exploding Kitten with no Defuse card to stop it. Everyone starts with one Defuse card, and there are chances to draw or steal more Defusal cards. There is very little content beyond just that description, even with the advanced rule options.
Hal’s Hole in One Golf
by Chezni Four! Tier Four! Haha, okay, okay, it’s Tier 3 but I can’t make that joke otherwise. It is of course…
I once read in a gaming magazine, you know your stock is worthless when it arrives and your employees shout, “Hey guys! Looks like the new Frisbees are here!” I can’t help but feel that same way every time I hold a sports game in my hands. Actually wait–I can go deeper. Deeper. DEEPER.
Pathologic HD (Completed)
by Chezni You can’t save everyone.
The longer you play games, the more you fall into the pattern of genre expectation. We have certain expectations of body counts in our FPS’s, an acceptation of grinding in our JRPG’s and if we play hour Horror games and don’t experience at least a couple jump scares, we would consider ourselves misused. It is these patterns that form a groove into which the unknown becomes known, and wonder is replaced by predictability even before the game is played. Pathologic on the other hand, is what makes you remember that games can be anything but predictable.
Dead Rising (Completed)
by Chezni Believe it or not, I don’t have any screenshots of this game. Then again, I probably don’t need any, as popular as this game is. You’ve likely seen it before. Look. I could go into the big long anecdote about hours of soda-infused midnight shenanigans I pulled off in this game with friends howling in laughter behind me. I could tell you how I’ve waited 10 years to finally own a copy, so I could finish the damn thing. But I’m not going to. I’m just going to tell you, that this was not and is not one of the best zombie games I’ve ever played. It was and is one of the best games I’ve ever played. And here is a laundry list why.
Chroma Squad (Completed)
by Chezni Ah, yes. Chroma Squad–another game sadly lowered from Tier 1 to Tier 2.
It’s hard to quickly pin down the problems with Chroma Squad–in fact, there’s a lot of things that are great about it. I mean, we’ve got…
- Generously customizable mock-power ranger team creation
- A light-hearted atmosphere that leads to shenanigans
- A bear who does the dance of death
- A customizable Zord built out of cardboard boxes
- A surprisingly tactical combat system & character stat/skill/equipment customization mechanics
- A reasonably challenging final boss at the end
- Powerups in the forms of hiring different advertising companies
- Optional “quests” in the form of director’s instructions
Amnesia: Memories (Completed)
by Chezni
Screw men. Seriously. Screw them.
It doesn’t help that it’s a visual novel, albeit with fluid and expressive (Japanese) voice acting. It doesn’t help that it’s a Shojo, filled with all the tropes of overly-complicated love-drama, albeit with an excitable and fun spirit named Orion living in your head. It doesn’t help that out of the four guys you can randomly choose at the beginning of the game to date (with no information about them before the choice is made), I picked the misogynistic playboy asshole who couldn’t help but be constantly obsessed with putting his johnny in every single woman he met on the street BUT ME, albeit he apologized several times for such behavior. However, I think what did it in for me, is that by the time I got to the end of my first playthrough of Amnesia: Memories, the ending I received indicated that the writers hadn’t really intended for there to be any closure for the player, unless they actually tried to make it work with their boyfriend. I got an ending without explanation of events that happened throughout the entire game, no closure on the nature of the relationship with the boy named Ikki, Orion was still stuck in my head, and my memories were still lost in amnesia.
Crysis 2 Maximum Edition (Completed)
by Chezni Okay. So it’s Crysis 2. A game where you get told you’re the manliest man to ever man the man, and you’re supposed go out there and be a man. And that’s okay? Why? Well, because there’s aliens, seismic catastrophes, explosions, more aliens, guns, skyscrapers being destroyed, tanks, more explosions and a cyber suit that turns you into a small god. If I’m going to jump the shark, I want to jump it hard. Screw realism.
