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I am YOU from the future. Quick–There’s No Time to Explain This Review. Hurry!
So, the joke about No Time to Explain is… that there’s no time to explain. Anything. If you don’t find that the be funny, I can’t help you. You won’t like the game. If you find that hilarious then BUY THIS. You need more? Well, it won’t be as funny if I explain it. It’s sort of something you just need to play to understand. I had the original at Tier 1 (I beat it long before Lepcis and I began writing reviews so you won’t find one of it on the site). The Remastered version is basically the same game with extra content. There’s a couple more levels, workshop support and even the ability to play two player so I see no reason not to rate this one at Tier 1 as well. But again–we need to hurry. There’s no time for a review. So instead, I thought we could have some fun with a few “top X” lists.
Top 5 Bosses
5. Mecha UFO Crab
It may be the first boss, but it’s hard to argue with a giant mecha crab that gets sent out of a UFO. If we tried to write out the game’s timeline, I think this mecha-crab was sent by your evil clone from the future to kill you before you could try to stop him, which is confusing because if you were killed, you would have never been motivated to unlock him from his prison… oh well. Don’t think about it too hard.
4. Dr. Robotnick Runner
Running levels can be fun. “Runner” games can be fun. Add a giant sphere boss that chases after you while you try to trick him into eating bombs and you have a fast-paced level on the track to success.
3. Arabian Dino Dino-Riders
It’s two dinosaurs riding another dinosaur. What more do you want?
2. Octopus Shark
Not only is it a ridiculous concept, hopping from boat to boat dodging a massive angry shark makes this on exciting as well.
1. Mecha Drill Hedgehog
When it roars, drills come out of its mouth. It summons lava from the depths and rocks from the ceiling. It’s arguably the hardest boss in the game. It has DRILLS. DRILLS! DRIIIIIIIILLLSSS
Top 6 Cutscenes
6. Sweep it Under the Rug
It takes a strong villain to admit that he made a mistake. It takes a stronger villain to literally sweep it into a dustpan and throw it away in the garbage. Even when it’s a failed clone.
5. Mommy! Feed Me!
You got to hand it to our hero. Even being dragged away from safety by a mecha-pterodactyl, he does what comes natural–blends in. Hey, it kept him alive, right?
4. Do you know the Muffin Man?
Our hero is a man who wastes no time with indecision. Giant muffin man? Giant muffin lunch.
3. Under Lock and Key
After what feels like an eternity of gates, vaults and unlocking doors, the final latch to the sealed door that holds your evil clone is triggered by a small model boat propelled by a desk fan. Pretty accurately captures the mood of the game.
2. I–am YOU from the future. There’s no time to explain!
Repeated in several cutscenes throughout the game with several different variants and outcomes, this running gag never seems to get old.
1. Legion of Super Characters
This is hands down the best scene. 11 different versions of you, all in one room, trying to put their heads together to solve the problem of the Evil You. Their over-eagerness and self-assuredness lead to many foolhardy and split second plans all being decided upon all at once that end up creating a lot of the catastrophe that happens within the game.
Top 5 “You’s”
5. Straight-Jacket You
He may be psychologically scarred for life, but hey he’s got psychic powers!
4. Failed Clone You
Poor guy. Discarded at birth and shoved into a garbage chute, the little guy makes his way where he needs to be through trick and trap. Plus he can stick on walls!
3. Evil You
Where would the game even be without the villain? You may not get to play as him but he further proves that goatee equals evil.
2. Jetpack Agent You
He barely says anything but he’s one cool dude. Willing to let you ride on his back, he’ll pilot you to where you need to go.
1. Military Football Paparazzi You
Hands down, the best version of you. He looks like a badass. He wears a football helmet. He’s got the best power. He’s constantly followed by the paparazzi. He has giant statues of himself in his own timeline. There’s a reason you fuse with this version of you at the end of the game.
Top 4 Levels
4. Insider Agent
Whether its Magic School Bus, Archer or Yoshi’s Island, everyone loves the “shrink yourself to go inside someone’s body” storyline.
3. Dino-Future
Dino EVERYTHING. Dino tanks, rockets and planes. Dinos riding other dinos.
2. Ad World
A world filled with annoying popup ads. Really hits the nail on the head–the satire in these levels is strong.
1. Games Are Art
Perhaps the funniest world of all, this is hipster world. This is “if you don’t understand it then you’re an idiot world.” This is “I’m really deep and you just don’t get it” world. It’s also, oddly, “poke fun at corporations” world.
