Yes, I believe I can just quote Yhatzee on this one. *ahem* “Bosoms, melons, milk factories, busts, funbags, knockers, ballistics, boobies, jugs, nipples, jubblies, STONKING GREAT TITS!”

 

 

This is the part of the article where I tell some anecdote. Sometimes it’s interesting. Sometimes it’s boring. Sometimes it’s like 90% of the episodes of Inuyasha and just exists to take up space before getting to the point. This time I’ll just give it to you straight; a while back I played a game called Fairy Fencer F. I really liked it and it restored my faith in the JRPG genre. It had just the right amount of anime, relationship simulation, fan service and interesting-yet-gratuitous mechanics that had me yearning for more when I finished. That’s when I found out that Compile Heart had made a whole slew of games under the Neptunia franchise. Excitedly, I purchased a few and dove into Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth 1. It was not good.

 

Continue reading “Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;Birth 2 Sisters Generation” →

 

Ah yes, *ahem* waiter! Yes, I’d like a main dish prematurity of with a heaping side of pretentiousness please!

 

My wife worked for a brief time on a rather unstable game team lead by a self-bloated egotistical idiot. His game was going to be the game to end all games, the alpha and the omega. It was going to have the relationship structure of the Persona series but it was also going to be an intense top-down bullet hell, but it was also going to be a game where time passed on a calendar but it was also going to be…

Needless to say, she and most of her workers quit that team rather quickly.

 

Continue reading “E.T. Armies” →

 

Haha… well, played in completely the wrong order by me, I finally get the conclusion of the Penumbra series in the form of…

 

–Spoiler Alert–

I’m going to be referencing the key plots of this and the other two Penumbra games throughout this article, so if you want a chance to play them spoiler free, stop reading here.

Continue reading “Penumbra: Requiem” →

 

Yeah, it’s pronounced “Ruby.” I don’t know if that’s fun or dumb.

I don’t really know anything about RWBY. After I stopping watching Red vs. Blue about 2 seasons in, I really don’t know much about Rooster Teeth. What I do know is that Rooster Teeth made a comic called RWBY at some point and then released a video game of it on Steam. RWBY feels pretty clean but I have a hard time feeling like I’d ever recommend it to anyone, which unfortunately gives it the trademark of a Tier 3 game. But I’m getting ahead of myself–let’s crack this open and take a look.

 

Continue reading “RWBY: Grimm Eclipse” →

 

We just can’t get enough of killing Germans, can we?

 

There’s not much to say about this one that hasn’t been akin the sickly thudding sound of beating a dead horse. Yes, Wolfenstein was the predecessor for DOOM, one of the most successful FPS’s in history. Yes it was quite possibly the first FPS. Yes it did a lot of funny things like Mecha Hitler or eating dog food to regain health. Look, this is expansion to Wolfensein 3D. I’ve beaten Wolfenstein 3D. It was horrible. The controls are terrible, difficulty is unforgiving and once you get the chaingun (one of a meager pool of 3 guns) things aren’t getting anymore interesting… and they aren’t that interesting to begin with. I’m sure back in 1992, some small child or adult gamer was so happy to get their hands on this one. For me in the modern world I respect Wolfenstein but I don’t recommend Wolfenstein. It’s a Tier 3 game and this expansion does nothing to make the game better, it simply makes the game “more.”

Steam Link

 

The subtle combinations of technicolor death mixed with upbeat dance music…

 

Haha… I used to play box shooters. I remember when I thought they were amazing. Then I quickly stopped. Because they aren’t. They’re a repeated formula with so little deviation that you’re more likely to lose because you fell asleep while playing, missing the one important projectile that was headed your way, than because you made an actual mistake. I want to like Zombie Party. It’s actually a really good box shooter. I just can’t.

 

Continue reading “Zombie Party” →