Dragon’s Dogma
by Chezni

 

So, this is the game that From Software was so afraid of that they rushed the release of the original Dark Souls, huh? I can see why…

 

Fantasy RPGs are sometimes a dangerous bag. Buy enough and you’ll start picking up on cheap stereotypes, repeated tropes and pointless filler in many of the titles. Dragon’s Dogma is a reminder of what a fantasy RPG should be. It is a tale that says “Sure, you can have your stats, your party members and your level grind… but why not make that fun?” It reasons, “Walking around the town and talking to NPCs is good because it develops the world and gives the player something to do, but why not remove the annoying bits?” It concludes, “Being able to jump off ledges and climb walls is a good part of any game, whether you play as an assassin or not… so why not add it to our game?” Dragon’s Dogma just feels like an RPG from Japan done right.

 

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Hieroglyphika
by Chezni

 

╟╢║Σ│≥Θδ╚√╒╟╢║╞ φ

 

Here is a simple game with a neat idea. In Hieroglyphika, aside from the letters in the title, you’ll find not a single recognizable English alphabet character in the game. All the information that you’ll need to uncover on how to play the game, weapon stats, armor resistances, movement and actions are all communicated to the player via some symbol or another. It’s surprising how quickly you’ll pick up on it all once you start to figure it out and while concept isn’t mind blowing (or entirely the main focus of the game) it’s a neat little trick that adds some fun and uniqueness to this title.

 

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Jedi Knight (Series)
by Chezni

I have a confession. I hate Star Wars. It’s got two of my least favorite things–being in space and science fiction. Admittedly, it’s hard to have science fiction without being in space, but there you have it. However, I live in a place we like to call “reality” and Star Wars is such an oppressively pervasive part of our reality that I have not been able to live my life apart from endless consumption of its media. I’ve played its games, I’ve watched its movies, I’ve read its books. During my childhood, I heard whispers on the edge of nerd-dom of a game called “Jedi Knight.”

“You can choose to be good or evil!”

“You can kill almost any character in the game! You can use a light saber and guns!”

“You can get force powers and force choke people or light powers and move at super speeds!”

Intrigued, I have long wanted to try this “Jedi Knight” series but never had the opportunity to do so. Now, over 10 years later, I get the chance to dive into what was promised to be a good experience. It better be, because I’ll say it again in different words. Star Wars sucks!

 

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Trine 2
by Chezni

 

Trine 2. Okay, is that 3+3, 3(2), 3^2 or… I mean, I’m trying here.

 

I’m… not against Trine 2 but… it just feels like more of Trine 1. I simply don’t have anything interesting to say beyond that point. You still play as the same 3 from the first game; a thief with a grappling hook, a wizard that creates boxes and a warrior that smashes things. You still obtain exp potions to gain new abilities. You still solve well-made puzzles and fight simple battles.

 

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Trine
by Chezni

 

The age-old tale of the legendary triangle that builds the foundation of every fantasy–the fighter, the wizard and the thief.

 

Trine is a lot better than I thought it would be. Ever since the game’s release I’ve avoided it because of the masses that heralded it as amazing. I simply assumed that the fools had no perspective. Turns out, they were right; Trine is a pretty nice game–and not just for its visuals. Trine is a bedtime story. It’s a fantasy tale of a mystical world of beautiful things populated quickly by three simple heroes. There is no grand backstory or deep character motivation for any of the big three. They are who they simply are, as is needed by the tale that is told around them.

 

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Medal Of Honor (TM)
by Chezni

 

If it sold well once, repackage it one-thousand different times and sell it again!

 

I’m a huge fan of the original PC release of Medal of Honor. No, not this Medal of Honor, stupid-piece-of-crap-game, I’m talking about Medal of Honor Allied Assault. The game took an honorific if somehow humble look at WWII. It was solemn. The music was inspiring, filled with muted trumpets. The game felt like being in the front-row seat of a series of desperate missions, each with a slimmer chance of success. When I finished levels in MOHAA, it always felt like I had cheated death somehow. Then there’s this piece of garbage that doesn’t even bother with a subtitle. It just claims the entire franchise as its own. “Medal of Honor” distinguishable only by it’s stupid (TM) at the end of its name. And as a side-note, how the heck do you trademark “Medal of Honor?” When a military official receives the Medal of Honor, does the US Army have to pay EA royalties now?

 

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Guns of Icarus Online
by Chezni

And today I presnt to you, Guns of–HOLY CRAP I’M DROWNING IN ADS

 

Guns of Icarus is a good idea that just isn’t any good. It falls prey to lofty ambitions, a far too-strong emphasis on micro-transactions, and a far too-small player base to support it. So, you know, basically nine tenths of the multiplayer games that have come out in the last 15 years. There are only two good things I can say about this game and they are strong “goods.” First, it’s probably the best (if not the only) steampunk airship multiplayer game out there, so if that’s your thing this is your bag. Second, it does mood and visuals decently well to the point where during a few moments it actually felt like I was on a steampunk airship, in the rain, in the middle of the war, being shot at. It was pretty cool.

 

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No Time to Explain Remastered (Completed)
by Chezni

 

I am YOU from the future. Quick–There’s No Time to Explain This Review. Hurry!

 

So, the joke about No Time to Explain is… that there’s no time to explain. Anything. If you don’t find that the be funny, I can’t help you. You won’t like the game. If you find that hilarious then BUY THIS. You need more? Well, it won’t be as funny if I explain it. It’s sort of something you just need to play to understand. I had the original at Tier 1 (I beat it long before Lepcis and I began writing reviews so you won’t find one of it on the site). The Remastered version is basically the same game with extra content. There’s a couple more levels, workshop support and even the ability to play two player so I see no reason not to rate this one at Tier 1 as well. But again–we need to hurry. There’s no time for a review. So instead, I thought we could have some fun with a few “top X” lists.

Steam Link

 

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Sayonara Umihara Kawase
by Chezni

 

Good bye Kawase-san! Wait… why is she leaving?

 

Time has passed and Kawase-san is now 20, but her childhood days of fish-line grappling and mutant-fish hooking are far from over. We’re in a 3-D environment this time but overall, not much has changed. The controls, tactics and general principles are identical to the original Umihara Kawase. Unfortunately the smoothness of control and animations just don’t quite translate as well to the polygon world. A lot of the charm is lost from the character’s movements and expressions and I can’t help but feel the whole thing is just wrong somehow.

 

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Umihara Kawase
by Chezni

 

Ahh… the classic tale of a girl and her fishing pole. And bipedal fish.

 …I’m guessing that says Umihara Kawase by the way. I actually have no idea. I can’t read Kanji.

 

The SNES era was a realm of trying out cute and simple ideas. Finally, we could display more than 12 different colors at once for our sprites, and likewise our levels could be quite a bit more dynamic. There were armfuls of stinkers, but there was also a wealth of really interesting designs that made absolutely no sense–but they never had to. (Ninja Baseball Bat Man is a perfect example of this, and yes I know it came out as an arcade machine, but it was still the same era.)  Umihara Kawase is exactly that kind of game. It makes no sense when you think about it, is filled with images and ideas that you would relate with a stoner’s dream but works in such a snappy cute and fun way that you can’t help but enjoy it.

 

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