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Dark Messiah of Might and Magic (Completed)

So I sat down over the weekend and finished DM of MM and I can say that it maintains its status as Tier 1 through to the end. I’m not sure if it cusped my mental “favorite games of all time” at any point, but it’s a solid game that even threw a couple curve balls at me that I had not quite experienced in an FP (First-Person) RPG before.

–Obligatory Spoiler Warning–

Overall, the story wasn’t anything to write home about. You play as Serath who is possessed by a demon–near the end you get the customary “good path/evil path” choice which affects minor aspects of the end-game. I, of course, chose the evil path because, (to quote Dark Helmet) “Good is dumb.” That and the evil path came packaged with a sexy demon. I suppose there are those out there who would’ve chose the young and peppy Leanna but frankly when I abandoned her in a prison and she turned into a Lich, I just laughed. Sound cold? It’s probably because you haven’t had to listen to her talk. The Succubus is hilarious by comparison.

The overarching plot is that Serath is the foretold Dark Messiah, bringer of doom or somewhat. Along the way, forces try to stop you–and I can’t say I blame them… I mean, you are sort of the villain in their eyes, even if you choose the good path. The final conflict comes in the form of a dual with a mighty Necromancer but… let me be real here. The combat–while fun–is not complicated and I won easily just by stun-locking him with my daggers. At the end of the evil path, you can choose to rule the world with your demon father, or with the Succubus that lives in your head. That decision was a no-brainer.

I’m assuming that there are roughly 4 endings to the game–2 divergent good and evil paths, each with the choice to join your father or not. I only bothered to get the ending where I joined the Succubus, but it was a bit lackluster (I imagine the other endings are likely to follow in suite). Essentially, Serath’s demon father zaps the Succubus, but Serath uses the power of the 7th Dragon’s Skull (it’s a McGuffin) to send his father back to hell. The majority of the cutscene is just your father talking about how he’s immortal and how he’ll seek revenge. It was a let-down, simply because you don’t get to see anything like Serath and the Succubus ruling the world together, or at least them celebrating in some way. Oh well.

The real fun of the game comes from the levels and their design. The multiple-pathways thing that I mentioned in my first impression maintains itself pretty well through most of the levels and there are enough traps and odd hazards that even though you are never free from the reigns of the plot, it was still fun to jump around to all the nooks and crannies looking for secrets. At about the 25%-75% portion of the game is where it really feels the best. The designers start giving you some pretty cool items including a bow that shoots climbable ropes that you can use throughout the entire game, magical elemental weapons and stat-changing gear. The equipment is a bit sparce, but that just makes what you find all the more unique. Unfortunately though, at about the 75%~100% portion, the game just starts giving you the same stuff that you’ve likely found already, if you had a modicum of curiosity to find some of the game’s secrets.

I recommend it as a definite pickup if you like FPRGP’s, multiple endings and/or a plot light enough not to get in the way, but existent enough to give purpose for your adventure. I may pick up the game again sometime in the future and do a pure wizard run, or maybe restrict myself from using the healing spell to add extra difficulty. Either way, my memories of this game will remain positive in the future.

FEZ

by Chezni

FEZ is a 3-D game with one game-altering twist. Instead of rotating your avatar (Gomez) and your camera around in the world you play in, you instead rotate the world around Gomez at 90 degree intervals while Gomez is always confined to two-dimensional movement upon the either the X or Y and the Z axes. Aside from providing an interesting mechanic to allow problem-solving in a platforming setting, this also just provides an interesting method of understanding the perspectives of 2-D vs 3-D movement in general. For instance, there is a section with a seemingly endless ocean that you can swim across in a on-dimensional line. After swimming out for a minute or so, simply rotating your perspective of the world once will place Gomez right back at the island, since from a two dimensional perspective looking at Gomez in the opposite direction he was swimming in would indicate that he is right next to the island itself. The game does not increase Gomez’s size, accounting for size discrepancies however, since perspectively Gomez would appear to be larger compared to the island in the distance than he actually was (and perhaps that’s a game for another time) but as that would ruin the game’s mechanics, I have no problem with this.

Plotwise, the world of FEZ is going to blow up because of the broken nature of three-dimensional movement impeding upon the two-dimensional and it’s up to you to collect 32 cubes (many of which are broken into multiple pieces) around the world. As far as I can tell, that’s pretty much it. There are no enemies, no villains, no spikes or catapults–it’s simply a game where you travel around quaint 2-D/3-D environments and collect cubes.

Now I’ll admit that so far, the game sounds a bit dull. In fact, while trying to critique FEZ, I underwent an internal struggle. If you haven’t heard before, I hate about 90% of the world’s puzzle games. As a whole I think they are a waste of time under the guise of a fun experience. When it comes to FEZ, two years ago I had actually played about 30 minutes of the game before–enough to identify it (incorrectly I admit) as just another 2-D puzzle game with a cheap gimmick that has no substance. While I can’t sit here and tell you that FEZ is a revolutionary product that breaks the boundaries of what a game can be, I also know that my initial analysis of the game was incorrect–the game isn’t really that bad. One problem I may have as a player is that when I play a game, I’m constantly looking for a challenge; I’m constantly looking to test my skills. Realistically, FEZ is not challenging. You have infinite lives, immediate respawns off any cliff you’ve fallen from and autosaves at every corner. However, If you slow down and don’t try to take it too seriously, it’s actually kind of fun. The game can be used as a sort of reprieve from complexity and its appeal falls in line with games like Mario 64 or Banjo Kazooie–the reward isn’t necessarily the defeat of another great enemy, but the collection of a piece of something resulting from the exploration of an interesting colorful world.

In the end, I realized that in some ways, the world may need games like this. Maybe I’m just feeling a little leniency from my usual harsher judgement of puzzle games. Maybe FEZ got lucky and in the moment I needed something a little slower-moving to provide a respite from the intensities of my usual challenging repertoire of games. Or maybe this challenge of Lepcis’s and mine is giving me a better appreciation and perspective over gaming as a whole. Regardless, I believe that FEZ needs to go into Tier 1, if only to remind stiff gamers like me that sometimes a game can be simple and relaxed, while still providing an engaging concept worth exploring. If you like Platformers that bend reality, this one might be for you.

Steam Link

Dark Messiah of Might and Magic

by Chezni

Completed Review

Dark Messiah of Might and Magic took me by surprise. When I think of the MM series, I typically think of party-built dungeon crawlers and tactical army-based strategy games. What I don’t think of are first-person RPGs—and yet not only is DMoMM (can we just call that DM?) a first-person RPG, it’s a great first-person RPG.

DM has everything a great game needs. Excitement, adventure, enough dialogue to keep things interesting, not too much dialogue to make things boring, mechanics that don’t just push the game forward but mechanics that are fun—for instance, one interesting feature is that you can always deliver a good strong kick in front of you with the F key. What can this be used for? What can’t this be used for! I’ve kicked people into fireplaces. I’ve kicked people into spikes. I’ve kicked zombies off of cliffs. I’ve drop-kicked pottery into a town guard’s head just for fun! Kicking isn’t just a strictly combative mechanical feature of the game, it’s built into the way you can interact with the world around you. A good strong kick (or a series of the same) will destroy a large portion of the architecture in the game and a majority of the objects are able to interacted with, or at least picked up and thrown. This means that the traditional combat of “block and strike” opens up into a wide range of feats in a 3-D world. You can do something as simple as throw a barrel at a knight, or find some oil, break it on the ground near a chokepoint and when in danger ignite it while running past to cover your retreat. You can lure guards to unstable storage structures and break the supports when they are underneath. You can pick up a teacup and chuck it at a ghoul because… well darn it, sometimes you just have a desire to throw the good china at the undead!

While progress in the game is linear, the levels are designed with enough secrets and multiple paths that in many instances you can choose your route. Combined with the destructive environment, and simple but distinct choice of weapons and skill paths, I felt encouraged to explore unique ways of fighting because the game seems to reward it all in an equally potent manner. Usually when I play a game, I find specialization in traps to be an overwhelmingly tedious task with underwhelming rewards. In DM though, I’ve not only discovered how to effectively use my fire trap spell, I’ve found that I love it! I feel excited when I’m running away from a pack of thugs and in my haste I have the presence of mind to throw down the trap in the middle of the doorway. The sound of explosions behind me usually signal that its done its job well. The collateral damage caused by the explosion just adds more fun to the chaos. Once, I found myself in an attic whereupon with each trigger of the trap spell, another portion of the floor boards were blown completely away, making combat with the remaining enemies a dance upon the remaining shifty rafter floorboards.

The environments of the game are nice, and despite being over 10 years old, the game largely avoids uncanny valley by not overstepping the bounds of its graphical design. The story and characters, while not particularly profound or engaging, are likewise not bad and provide sufficient motivation for the player while having a few interesting twists here and there. If I had one complaint, it’s that in spite of the well-designed nooks and crannies containing hidden treasure, I feel that too often the treasure is healing or mana potions. I would have enjoyed more unique rewards for my exploration (something along the lines of Lands of Lore II where almost every secret reveals something unique or rare) but the limited pool of weapons and equipment does keep the game from becoming a gear hunt and more of a check against your skill as a player with the equipment you have on hand.

From what little of DM I’ve played, it’s been a well-paced and simply a fun experience. Whether it’s finding the next hidden terrace I can leap onto through a window, or the next sweet explosion from a fire trap that destroys half the environment, I look forward to my future exploits in the game.

Steam Link

Fallout Tactics

by Chezni

The Fallout series (much to the dismay of my peers) has never been my cup of clam chowder. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the game franchise for what it is and what it provides its players–it’s just that I’ve never really liked the Wasteland setting for my post-apocalyptic games. Maybe the series is just too dry for me–or maybe I don’t like the way that the ever looming presence of the desert, radiation, and a less than plentiful supply of bullets constantly weighs down upon my weary desert-traveling soul. Don’t count my credentials out though–I’ve beaten Fallout 1, and I’ve even beaten its spiritual ancestor “Wasteland” (let me tell you, that was a trip) but at no point did I ever feel the special connection that so many seemed to have with this kind of game. As I loaded up Fallout Tactics, the third in the Fallout series, I expected to be met with the same wall that before had segregated my enjoyment of the series and was surprised to find… that I think I actually like this game.

Just as the other two Fallout games, Fallout Tactics begins with you building your character with the exact same stats, perks and skills as before. What makes this game different, is that instead of being kicked out of your vault with a knife, a pistol and a handful of bullets with the expectation that you survive in the harsh wasteland, you instead are injected into a series of scenarios that you must tackle, each with their own objective. The story goes, that you are in-training for the Brotherhood of Steel, and as a new recruit you are being sent on a series of missions to test your metal. In each mission you’ll get a handful of party members to assist you; thus the tactical portion of Fallout Tactics.

I’ve heard complaints about this game from fans of the others, and I can see why. Gone are the sections of exploration. Gone is the need for extensive role-playing with NPCs or grueling survival through the desert. It’s these absences that are probably the source of many’s complaints about this game–but it is the source of my enjoyment. I no longer feel like I’m wasting my time, wandering from town to town because I didn’t use the right dialogue option on a random NPC. Gone are the hours spent trying to pierce The Glow’s radiation without the proper equipment, or trying to track down a damn water chip. Instead, you focus much more on equipment management and party tactics in combat.

Does it deserve to be a Fallout game? …Probably not. If Fallout lore or role playing isn’t that big of a deal for you and you enjoy mini-scenarios involving strategy and party management then you might find something in this title. It’s nothing spectacular, but it’s less frustrating than trying to unearth the next piece of plot in Fallout 1.

Steam Link

Sid Meier’s Ace Patrol

by Chezni

“Oh, a game by Sid Meier with planes? So, a plane builder/simulator I’m guessing?” *clicks on game* “Oh… dear. What is this.”

SM’s Ace Patrol is surprisingly a hexagonal strategy game involving the command of up to 4 planes in a take-turn simulated dog-fight experience set in… some war… sometime. Over in Europe or something. Er, maybe it was WWI. I dunno. I didn’t pay attention… to the game or my history classes. (Also, if you want this to get weirder, it was made by 2K–the same people who brought you BioShock and Borderlands.)

Recently I’ve been in a pattern of embellishing my reviews, but I’m just gonna give you this one straight up. Don’t play this game. It’s not worth your time.

The game starts out with you picking a pilot… but it wont’ really matter because you’ll get them all anyway. It then throws you into some tutorial missions, and then onto the campaign screen where you can manage your planes, pilots and missions. I also found that for some reason, someone had set the difficulty to the easiest setting which I raised. Each mission was an interesting yet simple simulation of what grid-based aircraft piloting would look like, with easy-to understand accounting for elevation, G-Force, and other factors, but in the end, you’ll probably just end up clicking arrows on whatever lets you deal the most damage to an enemy plane, without really thinking about what you’re doing.

Your pilots will gain levels and skills, with a wide variety of plane techniques, but I’ll be honest–I didn’t read any of them or try to figure out what they did, because in the end, I knew it would matter, so I just clicked on random ones for each pilot when it came time for upgrades. Also, is it me, or do you just want to punch each of the pilots in the face too?

I played enough levels to get to what I assume was a milestone mission where I had to take down a Zeppelin, upon which I was showered with more upgrades and skills that I scattered about my pilots without rhyme or reason. All I did to win the mission was click on arrows and make sure that my pilots were focus-firing. The game is somewhat amusing but has little substance and is a time waster in the strictest sense. Lightweight gamers may enjoy this, but it’s barely above the complexity of a Facebook game.

Steam Link

Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood

by Chezni

As gaming history progresses, it has always become more and more difficult for me to assess what a “good game” is, partially due to my own pre-established biased getting in the way, but moreso because the complexity and variety of video games increases with each year. Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood (as well as the entire Assassin’s Creed series) had me sitting here, scratching my head for just that reason. Is Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood a good game?

If I may digress just a touch, I will say that I was and still am to some degree a huge fan of the original Assassin’s Creed game. Back when I had played it for the first time, I was completely blown away–never before had I played a game with such a massive draw distance where not only was everything explorable, but where every building had been hand built so that it was scalable in a (somewhat) realistic manner. Buildings and characters looked good, the setting was not an overdone one, and the story was interesting. Add to that the controls were unique, smooth, and yet complex enough to perform some pretty exciting parkour moves. I was immediately hooked.

My memories of the original AC still live on fondly in my memory to this day.

Two games later and I’m sitting here playing Brotherhood with a sickening sensation building up in my stomach, all the while I’m asking myself bewilderedly, “Where did it all go wrong?” I believe I have the answer, but it is not a simple one, and as I must address the question with some tact, I beg your patience as I assess a few different concepts.

First, there is the concept of a mechanical transition from one game to another. I’ll be brief, but usually when producing games in a series, the mechanics of a new game should be relatable enough to feel like a continuation of the previous games, but also possessing signs of growth and improvement. Super Mario 1 and America’s Super Mario 2 are perfect examples of this. In SM2, you run with the B button and jump with the A button just like before, only now you need to learn how to pull turnips up from the ground, enter doors and clay jars, pick up weird objects and utilize them, as well as learning the difference between the 4 playable characters. SM2 is similar enough to SM1 to not be a foreign concept, but introduces new growth to the game that causes the players to think and grow themselves in the way that they interact with the game. Right from the beginning of Brotherhood I know exactly how to play the game, because the controls and mechanics are exactly the same as they’ve been for the last two games. Nothing is new, nothing will be new (this I know as I’ve played Revelations, the next game in the series) and the player will interact with the world in the exact same way they did in AC1. The difference is, that now instead of somewhat having your hand held in what you’re allowed to do, you *really* get your hand held in what you’re allowed to do. Fun.

Brotherhood is less a game and more of an interactive experience where you are meant to believe that you are freely playing the role of a character, but the moment you move a couple feet away from where the game wants you to be, it jerks hard on the invisible chain around your neck and forces you to follow the rails that were laid for you. Near the beginning of the game, you ride a horse with Ezio’s uncle. In what was a comical sight, I moved what must have been relatively 10 feet away from the uncle and the game desynced me because I wasn’t walking along beside him like it cinematically wanted. After meeting with Ezio’s sister, you’re left to wander around freely to discover the estate–except you’re not. You’re demanded to go to three completely random locations and talk to three random people to perform three random acts that are completely pointless. I believe that they are meant to be a sort of tutorial, but do I really need to do a quest to figure out that pushing “B” gets me on a horse? Do I need to do a quest where I learn that pushing B lets me pick up boxes? What the heck?

And sex. Ooooh, the sex. The first female character I met in the game that wasn’t my sister, implied about three different ways how she would provide Ezio with sexual favors because he carried a box of flowers for her–all the while Ezio is soaking it in, playing the role of “put yourself in my shoes, adolescent boys and play out my fantasies.” Not more than 10 minutes later, there is sex scene between Ezio and a different woman than the flower lady. Cleavage flops about everywhere and butts are taut on every female character except Ezio’s mother. Is sex inherently bad? No, of course not. Is an attractive female body wrong? Not at all. My issue stems from the reason for its use–which I know is only there to titillate the heterosexual male gaze and nothing more. I must stress again, that sexualized characters are not inherently bad–as long as there is a purpose beyond cheaply appealing to the chemical nature of a segregated portion of the gaming community. My wife and I love playing a game–it’s called “White man with stubble.” If the character of a game is a white man with stubble, then 9 times out of 10, the title is a shallow pandering to a male power fantasy, disguised as a game and cashing in on the straight desperate man-child. Brotherhood more or less falls into this category.

Classic victim of White Man with Stubble Syndrome:

The pandering doesn’t really stop there either, as the game is filled with achievements for the most mundane of things. You literally get an achievement for watching the opening cinematic. Read that again. The game deems sitting on your butt and watching a cutscene, worthy of award. Is that how little faith they have in their own product? That they have to bribe the player into continuing to play their game through the use of cheap stickers for the most basic of tasks? What’s even better (or worse) is that every achievement you get, you gets displayed twice–once for Ubisoft’s joke-of-a-Steam-ripoff called Uplay, and once for what I assume is the actual game. Double gimmick points!

Now, with all this being said, to say that Brotherhood (and the AC series) is unsuccessful would be ridiculous. Ubisoft has turned the AC series into a powerhouse franchise that *has* to be raking in the dough. Do I fault them for that? No, not at all. It is simply that, just as each person has beliefs in what a video game should be, I as an individual also have beliefs in what a good game should be, and the AC series beyond 1 is not it. Instead of expanding their universe, mechanics, gameplay and ideas, it decided to focus more on a production of rapid-fire games in quick succession. Instead of growing a new genre of gaming that they nearly created single-handedly, they squandered it in order to play it safe. Instead of relying on the power of the entertainment value that they provide to their players as a catalyst for future game purchases, they instead rely on cheap gimmicks, sexual attraction, and hand-holding rail-roading so that they can appeal to the lowest common denominator. A game needs consequences, adventure, risk/reward and growth–both of the player-character and the player themself. Anything less is a manufactured product wearing the mantle of a good time.

I’m glad Ubisoft is releasing an AC movie. I think that’s where this kind product belongs (similar to my Kane and Lynch review). It belongs in a medium where the user is *expected* to sit around and do nothing. But to use video games as a medium into tricking the players that they are involved in something amazing, when truly all they’re doing is stagnating their own growth and imagination? No thanks. I’ve got indie games in my library that were created with a fraction of the budget that Brotherhood was made with that are more worth my time.

Steam Link

KnightShift

by Chezni

As I sat down to play KnightShift and began analyzing the content in front of me, I found myself soaking in the pleasant scenery, easily identifiable characters and heroic music, and I thought to myself, “For an older game, this isn’t half-bad. I should probably put this in Tier Two.” I then froze, looking down at my hands in disgust–the same way George Bailey looked at his hand when he shook Mr. Potter’s in “It’s a Wonderful Life.” I realized in horror that this game… is garbage, and I had almost been tricked by it into thinking it was something good.
KnightShift is a hybrid RGP/RTS whereupon you control and (later on) can build units to use to fight against enemies in real-time, with a top-down view. Your hero units aren’t just stronger than the regular unit, but also possess the ability to gain levels as well as find and obtain better equipment. The game’s visuals are rather nice, with bright scenery and colorful characters. Controls and gameplay are mostly smooth, user friendly, and easy to understand. Characters are fully voice-acted, the action is relatively fast-paced, and the player knows exactly what’s going on at all times. So where’s the problem?
The problem is, is that this game is a trap. It traps you into thinking that you’re in a fantasy world with all the knights, monsters, “thou’s” and “thee’s,” and questing, but you’re not–you’re in a fantasy set, complete with fake wooden houses and cardboard cutouts. Fantasy is more than just looking like fantasy on the outside, it has to be fantasy–but you won’t find that in KnightShift. Prince John (the main character in the first campaign) is a Knight-Hero, simply because he needs to be in order to have a story. Wolves and bears attack you because they have to in order to create conflict. Wizards are only wizards because there needs to be somebody to cast spells. Townspeople have problems because there needs to be quests to waste your time, and divert you from the fact that the actual storyline of the game is shallow and nearly non-existent. In truth, once you have the mind’s eye to pierce through the colorful cut-outs and cheerful heroics, you realize that absolutely nothing in the game is happening at all–you’re simply on the rails of a rather flashy amusement ride that treats you like you are in danger, but you soon find that the ride’s restraints keep you from ever coming to any harm.
Unfortunately, the same is true for the gameplay and game mechanics as well. A true game has consequences, risks and strategy. KnightShift barely has any of these things. Actual fighting in the game comes down to clicking on an enemy and watching your heroes and any troops they have kill them. Then, you check your health bars and if you need to, you heal by sleeping if the bars are low. If you don’t feel like sleeping you can stand in a healing shrine. If you don’t feel like doing that, you can find the “extremely rare” blue mushrooms (NPC’s words, not mine) that pop up like daisies everywhere, that will heal you to full HP. There’s no technique, no skill, no brainpower used–simply click, watch die, move on. There’s only the barest minimum of micro in the game, which usually just comes down to “Are your archers in the back? Good. Are your heroes focus firing? Good. Did you pull back every so often to keep your melee units from getting surrounded (assuming they weren’t absolutely overpowering everything like they usually do)? Good.”
I understand every single RTS can’t be as refined and technical as Star Craft, but I’ve seen Diabloesques with more finesse than this piece of crap. At least in a Diabloesque I get the satisfaction of planning out how I’ll spend my levels, and what kind of character I want to build around certain skills. In this game, leveling up just pads your stats. It doesn’t change how you fight at all (if you can call clicking on a monster once “fighting”). Heck, you aren’t even allowed to manage your equipment–the game just automatically reads whether the equipment on the ground is better than what you hero currently has–if it is, it gets vacuumed up into the hero’s inventory and equipped. If not, it just gets left on the ground.
The only pseudo good thing about the game is at times, it has a bit of a sense of humor, and doesn’t try to take itself too seriously. Prince John is an overdone (for humor) Hero to a “T,” both in his tone and mannerisms of speech. NPCs are kind of silly and monsters are cartoony. However, I can only feel that this was just another attempt to hide the fact that there’s no game here whatsoever. Recently I complained that if you stripped everything away from Vessel, you’d be left in a room filled with switches and buttons, and you needed to figure out what order you needed to hit them all in order to leave. If you did the same thing with KnightShift, you wouldn’t even have that–you’d have a blank room with a single button that said “push to continue.”

There are just no consequences in this game at all. You can heal whenever you want. You will win, with the barest minimum of effort, whenever you want. You will never get lost, because the game prevents you from going in the wrong direction, through the use of closing doors, gates, and teleporters–and if ever somehow you could get lost, the game is always telling you what you need to do at the top of the screen, and often it even has where you need to go on the minimap.
This kind of gameplay and setting may appeal to some. I’ve met some gamers that don’t want to have to think when they play a game, they just want to be told that they are the hero, and they want to win over and over again with little challenge. I can’t respect that kind of desire from a gamer, but I will at least accept it. For me however, I will never be returning to this game. Borrowing the words of Egoraptor from his Sequelitis Zelda review pretty much sums it all up for me. Knighshift is a “predictable time-consuming mess, that asks you not of your sense of adventure, or even your wit, but instead of your ability to listen and follow directions,” and as such, it deserves no more of my time.

Steam link

War of the Human Tanks

by Chezni

War of the Human Tanks (Completed) Review

Long do I yearn for the days of my youth where I found my feet firmly planted in Advance War’s Macro Land, surveying the fields after another hard-fought victory. Max at my right hand would sorrowfully mourn the loss of the allied fallen, while Andy at my left would excitedly proclaim that this is the perfect time to celebrate the victory with a BBQ! Those were good days.

War of the Human Tanks is a strange mixture of this aspect of Advance Wars, with a little bit of Fire Emblem and your favorite quirky anime thrown in for good measure. It features a rag-tag regiment of military leaders who are loyal to the once-mighty “Empire.” Shoutaro, the “General from Hell” is their leader, a lazy boy who likes to watch anime. Then there’s Chiyoko, his little sister, who is an upbeat wiz mechanic. Next is the easily panicked Heshiko, a commander unit (more on that in a bit) that was modified by Chiyoko to be better than the standard battery. Last in the crew is Satou, a stiff by-the-rules lieutenant who is constantly upset at her regiment’s lack of structure and attention to detail. These characters on their own aren’t anything new, but they’re well-written enough to be amusing, especially when interacting with the lore of the world.

You see, WotHT is a world where machine-like humans are built to fight wars. Instead of being the traditional Japanese story of “What makes humans human?” or “Do machines that might as well be human deserve human rights?” the story and characters for the most part treat the Human Tanks sort of like lab mice–expendable and individually valueless–in spite of the fact that the Human Tanks actually possess emotions (albeit flighty and easily changed), are capable of intelligent speech and are completely adorable.

It’s this fact that brings one of the game’s greatest appeals–the Human Tanks are essentially an army of adorable little chibis whose greatest goal is to die on the battlefield before their battery runs out–they are after all, worth less than a human. Pochi Shock Tanks charge eagerly to an enemy to fulfill their purpose–to explode and die. In spite of being one of the deadliest human tanks, Infinite-Range Artillery battery “Masamune” detonates after combat, simply because it is her time to die. Heshiko, an extremely skilled Commander Unit is given no rank or congratulations for her efforts because “Human Tanks don’t deserve a rank.” It may sound a bit cruel, but it’s all played up for humor. They’re so lemming-like that you can’t help but laugh; it’s similar to the humor created by the Minions from Despicable Me.

The gameplay itself isn’t too bad either–when you’re not clicking through text-boxes, you fight with your army on a hexagonal grid covered by fog-of-war. Your goal is to build your choice of Human Tanks from what you have available, choose their upgrades if you wish through the use of modules, place them on the map and then do your best to kill off the enemy with minimal losses, since the more of your army you keep alive, the less money you have to spend rebuilding them in the next mission. It’s simple enough to understand within a couple minutes, but contains enough choice of strategy that you can play to your favored style. I built my strategy off of intel, with many Mike (recon) units, and several Kana (artillery) units, but I could easily see how you could build an Asahi (close-range-assault) team, or maybe even a team completely made up of the self-destructing Pochis.

The game does have its flaws however. The beginning “cinematic” that plays out when you start a new game is completely confusing and frustrating to follow. Then, the following text-sequence that takes place at the beginning of the first level is also very disorienting, as the game doesn’t relay its setting, goal, or characters very well to the player–it just all sort of gets thrown at you like you were supposed to know what’s going on. Additionally, each level plays out like an anime episode since they all end with the credits rolling and a theme song. While this was clearly intentional, it confused me the first time I saw it, since any time you see the credits in most other video games, it means you’re at the end of the game. After you see them roll at the end of the second level though, it’s apparent what’s going on and so it’s not a big deal. Overall, if you can make it through the first ten minutes or so, you’ll understand enough to follow what’s going on, and from thereon it’s light-hearted fun.

I will definitely be revisiting this game in the future, and I look forward to seeing where the happy-go-lucky generals and quirky suicidal Human Tanks takes me. Intelligent Systems may never make another Advance Wars game, but this isn’t a bad replacement for the time being.

Steam link

Vessel

by Chezni

Switch puzzle/physics games have always had a special place in my heart. You can usually find them piled next to things like my mental versions of political figures I dislike, or my memories of Star Wars Episode II–you know, things that I like to take out every so often when I’m bored in my head and burn just for fun. It took very little time for me to determine that Vessel would be added to this pile.

Yes, I’m a little (maybe a lot) biased. I did just admit that I don’t like these kinds of games–but maybe let me explain a bit about Vessel and myself, and you may understand why.

Vessel is inherently a game where you play as some nameless white guy who runs around and hits switches and pulls levers. I suppose he has some backstory of being some great inventor, but it doesn’t really matter to the game at all. I could have been playing as Calvin, the bag-boy from the local grocery store, and the game wouldn’t have changed much. In fact, I think I’ll just start calling the inventor Calvin. At least it makes *me* laugh.

So Calvin is sitting in his lab, possibly reminiscing about his past achievements–the invention of a strange aquatic creature called “Fluorous”–when one of the Fluorous lock him out of his lab, leading him on an… “adventure” (by the loosest definition of the word)… where he must get back into his lab. Along the way, he’ll hit switches. He’ll open doors. He’ll pull levers and walk through more doors. If you’re lucky, you’ll get to spray water at something in random orders until, eventually, it might open another door. This inherently is the problem with most puzzle games in general but specifically Vessel–what is my motivation? What is my goal? Why do I care? I know nothing of the character, he isn’t that likeable, the Fluorous aren’t really interesting, and after 5 minutes I already know exactly the kind of game I’ll be playing.

“Oh, but what of the water physics? They’re neat, aren’t they?” I suppose to some degree they are, but what does it matter? I’ve never understood why physics justify the existence of a game. Physics are simply that–physics. Companies sell physics engines, but gamers don’t *buy* physics engines, and most puzzle games are essentially just that–an excuse to display a physics engine. If I wanted physics, I’d walk onto my porch a drop a rock off my balcony. “Does gravity still work? Yep, it does.” Fascinating.

One might argue that Vessel displays impressive, or at least “stylistic” artwork. To some degree, this is true–while the design did not appeal to me at all, I can recognize that work was put into the game’s visuals, lighting and layout. While the rooms are basically boxes with switches and buttons, they do try their best to appear interesting, with pipes running everywhere, cave-work in the background, and dynamic shadows/lighting. Yes, one might say that the game is “artistic” or “beautiful.” I could also tell you that the Sistine Chapel is “artistic” and “beautiful,” but I wouldn’t tell you that it makes the Sistine Chapel a good video game.

I guess the biggest crux I have with Vessel and most puzzle games, is that I have to ask the question, “Why?” Why would I want to do this? If you stripped away the graphics–if you stripped away the lighting and soothing music–the actual game “experience” is equivalent to someone locking you in an empty white room filled with buttons and switches, and a PA box overhead says “you can leave when you figure out how to open the door,” and at that point it’s up to me find the correct order to hit all the switches and pull all the levers. Yes, there are generally clues, and yes it exercises problem solving–but so does a textbook–and ultimately at the end of the day, I’m just implementing procedural inputs into a linearly designed path that I have to follow to get to the next set of required procedural inputs and on and on until I can finally see the credits roll. Being a stubborn gamer, I usually do just that–however this time, I decided to break the mold and find my own escape from the crushing loneliness of the underground steam maze.

Once I obtained the ability to create Fluorous seeds, I soon discovered that the game allowed you to create an infinite amount of them–better yet, it did not despawn the old seeds. Thusly, I set out to see how many seeds I could create before the game crashed. In truth, I had more fun swimming through my seed sea than any experience I had solving Vessel’s puzzles. After 15 minutes or so, the game crashed, and I finally had my freedom.

Steam link

Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days

by Chezni

Short: K&L 2 is a game where you run around in a pretty city environment and shoot people while everyone around you is screaming and shouting things intensely.

Long: K&L 2 is interesting. It’s one of those games that tries to be a super-serious, hardcore, gritty, gang-war, weapon-selling, drug smuggling simulator where you’re never sure if the antagonists are heroes, or just a couple of tough guys out for themselves in a world that’s filled with horrible things.

Now, we’ve all seen or played this plotline at one point or another before, but the difference between K&L 2 and say, GTA, is that in GTA I can never take the plot or the environment seriously, even though I get the feeling you’re meant to. Let’s be honest–you only do the missions in GTA because you have to, and really you’re just planning the next hooker bar you’re going to shoot up. Here’s where K&L 2 gains my respect–it maintains a more or less completely immersive experience within the environment I’ve described–it doesn’t relent in being an uncomfortable gritty world where the mire is as thick around the heroes as it is the world they live in.

The environments in this game are superb–not strictly from a graphical sense, but from a design standpoint. Layouts feel natural and detailed; desks are lined with believable objects, streets are filled with restaurant tables and stacked chairs. It truly feels real, as you wander through the city streets and in cramped buildings.

The problem is that in its essence, K&L 2 is merely another cover-and-shoot game. It starts off with you interrogating some guy, which quickly leads to taking cover and shooting a bunch of dudes. It then cuts to a car crash where you take cover and shoot a bunch of dudes. Kane and Lynch decide to go visit the gang boss that is harassing them in hopes of figuring out what’s going on–all the while taking cover and shooting all his dudes. You’re at a restaurant… suddenly people bust in and you take cover and shoot. Mechanically speaking, while the game isn’t horrible, it’s nothing new or particularly engaging.

That’s not to say that the game is easy–staying true to its sense of immersion, it’s actually somewhat difficult. You never really feel powerful as you hide behind every piece of cover you can, and if you think you can run into a room and reliably gun everyone down like some superhero (or villain) you’ll quickly find yourself flat on your back in a puddle of your own bodily fluids. That being said, one rather unrealistic feature is that you can soak up more bullets than an elephant could, but considering the intelligent and coordinated attacks executed by your enemies, you need to in order to make the game playable while you learn your way around.

Kane and Lynch are interesting characters, in spite of not really saying much about themselves. I’ll admit to having no clue about any of the previous plot concerning the duo, but the two of them have an uncanny unspoken chemistry between them–something that oddly might be described even in the short time that I saw them, as a trusting love. That being said though, very little of who they are, what they do, or what their motives are, are revealed to the player early on. I have no doubt that there would be some interesting twist, some dark reveal near the third act of the game’s story, but I haven’t played far enough to see it, and I’m not sure I’m really motivated to do so.

In closing, I feel that K&L 2 would probably have made a much better under-funded TV show than a game, if they could somehow have kept the same feeling the game provided and just cut out 80% of the “running around and shooting guys” segments. Kane and Lynch are interesting characters, and I would love to see more of them… I’m just not sure that I’m willing to fight through bloodbath after bloodbath to find out. I would recommend that those who enjoy cover shooters with a gritty, uncomfortable, Pulp-Fiction-like atmosphere give it a try, but otherwise you might, like me, find yourself wishing you could just walk through the well-built streets of China, listening to conversations between Kane and Lynch instead of the sounds of bullets and the F-bomb being dropped every-other sentence.

Steam link