Darksiders

In 2010, the question of “How gritty can we make every single voice actor sound?” was answered in the form of Darksiders.  And sadly, from this inauspicious beginning, things only go downhill.  The combat is horribly dull (though that may partially be the fault of Dark Souls’ existence), the levels are aggressively linear, and the story isn’t particularly compelling.  Your first quest is to gather 500 souls.  Great.  Fantastic.  Top score.

You play as one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse (War, in this case), who has been unjustly blamed for killing humanity and disrupting the all-important Balance.  He wants to redeem himself by taking down the being that now rules over earth.  In one of the many, many cinematics that played during my first hour, I learned that the Charred Council (who control the Four Horsemen) decided that any one force being too powerful would disrupt the Balance and…bring an end to existence or something.  The trouble is, the Charred Council is a too-powerful force – so right off the bat we’re faced with plot holes.

Beyond that, it’s a pretty straightforward hack-n-slash.  But there’s absolutely nothing interesting about combat (well, the camera control is certainly… interesting).  The boss I encountered was boring and gave no indication if I was actually doing the right thing, and later I was immediately able to cheese all the enemies with a jumping attack.  There really isn’t anything to recommend this game.  Tier Three.

Steam link

Darksiders II

Apparently someone liked the original Darksiders, because they made a second one.  It is far, far better.  There’s still a good helping of grittiness in the voice acting, but it’s not in every line.  Even better, the plot hook is a whole lot more relatable.  They seem to have learned their lesson from the distant intro from the first one: you play as Death in his attempt to redeem his brother from the crimes he is accused of from the first one (which I guess means War didn’t do so well).  The cutscenes have been trimmed down and the characters have motivation, passion, and a slight sense of humor.

As far as combat, they removed the cheesing jump attack.  Instead, they have a dodge that works – which makes combat interesting and fun.  It’s still not terribly difficult (again, ruined by Dark Souls), but it is satisfying.  The enemies telegraph nicely without spending a minute winding up; even better, they have health bars!

I waffled on putting this in Tier One, but I think it’s worth my time since it seems like a good winding-down game.  As a warning, it sounds like people encounter bugs in this version (according to Steam), but I didn’t run into anything in my hour.

Steam link

Prison Architect

It’s like Sim City, only with prison!  Actually, I suppose it is more like Rimworld, since it uses the same tileset (I think).  I have to grudgingly put this into Tier One.  There seem to be too many bugs for a fully released game (my prisoners went to the staff room for food and ignored the mess hall entirely) and the tone of the missions within the game is a lot more grim than the cute graphics imply.  But…I really love sim/management games.  There are plenty of interesting features and management aspects, so I think that once I get past the initial learning curve it will be a bunch more fun.

Steam link

DLC Quest

It took me 45 minutes to finish my first round of DLC Quest.  It’s a fun little game – reminiscent of Upgrade Complete, really.  It’s a game where you must upgrade everything to save the princess, including buying a menu.  I liked it, and I think it deserves a Tier One place.  It knew its sense of humor and was short and sweet enough to not get boring.  My only technical complaint would be that the key remapping didn’t quite work (the up arrow key wasn’t mapped to jump).  It almost slips into Tier Two because it doesn’t really commit to the joke of DLC Quest, but it was still an enjoyable 45 minutes.

Steam link

A Virus Named TOM

I’m afraid I can’t recommend a Virus Named TOM.  It feels more like a portable or flash game than a full desktop game.  I also don’t have any screenshots, because neither Steam nor Greenshot would take one (and somehow I turned Windows into High Contrast mode while trying).  You play as the eponymous TOM, and you are used to infect the inventions of a Dr. X, who has been ousted from his company and wants revenge.

It’s a pipe puzzler, of which there are many on Kongregate and iOS.  There isn’t really anything to recommend this one over any of the free ones you could find online, and you could likely find a more intriguing puzzle game like TIS-100 that doesn’t have an annoying time-based element.  I am typically biased against time constraints in puzzle games, so perhaps I was doomed to dislike this game.

Analogue: A Hate Story

Okay, I’ll be honest.  I didn’t finish my hour.  I just couldn’t get in to the text adventure here.  I don’t think it’s the games’ fault, so I’m not tiering this one.  But I likely won’t get back into it unless I have a bunch of time and no other games to play.

Nikopol: Secrets of the Immortals

Huh.  Another point-and-click adventure game.  While I’d like to say that I enjoyed my time playing Nikopol, three things prevented that.  (As a bonus problem: the game supports widescreen resolutions, but doesn’t actually render the game in widescreen – I’ve never run across that before.)

First was that the game was actually too detailed.  It’s hard to figure out what is a thing you’ll need and what is a thing that exists only for background.  This is made worse when the things you can pick up change as you go through the game.

Second was that the puzzles I encountered in the first level were… not terribly intuitive.  In fact, I think it’s the fastest I’ve looked up a walkthrough since I didn’t want to waste my hour. It turns out that was unavoidable.  The puzzles that exist, beyond being unintuitive, also don’t make a whole lot of sense story-wise.  For example, I was supposed to bring a portrait of my father, as seen above.  However, instead of just bringing the reel of film, I have to actually paint the portrait.

My third trouble was that the little story I did run across didn’t seem particularly engaging.  This game is apparently based on a series of graphic novels, so I would recommend reading those rather than playing this game.

So sadly, this must go to Tier Three.  It’s only a dollar right now, but I can’t even recommend it when there are games like Broken Sword 5 I have yet to play.

Steam link

 

Broken Sword 5: The Serpent’s Curse

It’s a point-and-click adventure game!  I love point-and-click adventure games.  I’ve only played the first two Broken Sword games, but they were both pretty consistent and good.  Well, except for the goat puzzle.  This looks like another solid entry (as far as I can tell) with better animation and higher quality sound.  There’s a few quality of life improvements here and there, but it looks like this is another good way to spend a few hours.

Steam link

Betrayer

Betrayer is an interesting game.  The environment is almost entirely black and white, while enemies and items you can interact with are in red.  This aesthetic lends a unique air to the game, but I think it works.  As for the plot, you are shipwrecked on a foreign shore sometime in the 1700s and discover that everyone in the fort you come across is dead, with hints of Indian magicks at play.  An hour isn’t enough time to really get into this game, but if it keeps the same mood going, I can definitely see myself playing this to the end.

Betrayer seems to strike just the right balance of suspense, mystery, and discovery.  From what I read on Steam, it sounds like it drags on a bit as you continue to play.  But for now, Tier One.

Steam link

BeamNG.drive

I don’t understand why I didn’t buy this sooner.  Welcome to “Movie Car Crash: The Game”.  Have you ever wished that crashing cars in racing games was more realistic?  How about “so realistic it will overheat your computer”?  Well, that’s precisely what BeamNG.drive is.  Every surface and component of your car is modeled and deformed.  This turns the game into a Garry’s Mod of car destruction.  And I love it.

Really my only complaint is from the first time I opened up the game.  It greeted me in glorious…. 624×441?  I changed it to 1080p fairly quickly, but was then asked if I wanted to run at 39, 48, or 59 hertz.

As a person who watched action movies as a child solely for the explosions and car crashes, this is possibly the most fun I’ve had in 20 minutes in quite some time.  In fact, I’m going to cut this impression short to go play around with this some more.  ….Wait.  There’s mods?  Well…there goes my next week.

Steam link