by Chezni
Haha… I just got it. INexistence. Like, you’re IN existence? But it’s also like inexistence? Right? Right? Did you get it? IN-existence!? Right? It’s–
Okay, so seriously, Inexistence is a good game. It’s a Castelevania/Metroid/Mario/Zelda clone that splits its content about 80/5/10/5% respectively. So I guess… it’s mostly a Castlevania clone. That being said, it’s short enough to play in one sitting (about 2 hours) but what you get is pretty strong.
by Chezni
Winston Churchill once said, “When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.” I think he left out the part about the colostomy bag though.
At it’s core, “The Ship” should be good. It should be a right-proper game about pretending to be a well-rounded dapper gentleman (or gentle-lady) enjoying himself on a cruise whilst inwardly walking the line between frantic and psychotic as you both tried to avoid your killer whilst you stalked your prey. It should have been a game that perfectly captured the essence of the board game “Clue” in digital format. It should have been a game about dashing good looks, wild costume changes and a devilish boat-owner. It should have been. It was so close.
by Chezni
Was your favorite part of Mount and Blade the combat? Did you want it to just be a little bit… less absolutely terrible? My friend, you should get acquainted with…
*cough* …that’s “Chivalry: Medieval Warfare…” in case you didn’t know. I know it’s super small in the picture.
Lepcis has a saying that I’m growing rather fond of. “Dark Souls ruined this game for me.” It shocked me when I realized that Dark Souls as a series has been the exclusive title I’ve played over the last 10 years when it came to desiring a metal-clanking sword swinging frenzy of life or death. Sure there have been a few exceptions (Mount and Blade obviously) but most of those exclusions had some other facet of gameplay driving the ship forward (Mount and Blade’s kajillion other medieval simulations, also obviously). Chivalry seems like a great game but… I found it all to be a bit simple. It’s as if I’ve picked up a childhood toy, fondly fiddled with it for a bit, reminisced about good times but then quickly put it down, desiring to move on to something else.
by Chezni And here I thought I would never play another Horror game that rivaled Silent Hill 2. I guess I don’t have to be sad that Konami’s gone, because at least we have…
So. This game is a masterpiece. I can’t even begin to say anything bad about it. Like, I am completely blown away by this title and aside from the brief moment I glanced at it on Steam and decided to buy it, I’ve never even heard of it. What the heck is this game!?
by Chezni Yeah, I bought a LEGO game. Yeah it was a Batman game too. Are you really gonna sit here judge me with a straight face and tell me you didn’t wish you were playing with a LEGO Batman set right now?
One day when my wife and I were looking for something to co-op, I suggested the LEGO game series. When I was a kid, I played hours of LEGO Star Wars on my family PS2 with my brothers, and while it wasn’t the most complex of games my memory banks seemed to indicate that I had experienced something called “fun” while playing them. So, jumping on Steam and asking her to pick one out, we chose LEGO Batman 2. Either I cherry-picked my memories about LEGO Star Wars, or I was extremely desperate for something to do when I was a kid. Considering that the town I lived in said “population 59” when we first moved to it might indicate the latter.
by Chezni AHAHAH No. No, you do not get to use a variant of the original Dark Souls expansion title. Do you know why? It’s not even about a contest of comparative difficulty–it’s simply that you can’t have people “Die More” in your game if it’s so bad that no one wants to play it. That’s right, I’m talking to you…
Teleglitch is a roguelike that in my eyes, just isn’t very good. It’s not surprising–I’ve played a fair number of poor roguelikes already but it’s always sad to come across one. However, Teleglitch falls firmly, flatly, and squarely into a Tier 3 category of garbage, with its only saving graces being a rare few pieces of barely interesting design. It’s difficult to complain about Teleglitch without comparing it to other roguelikes. You move in real-time, you don’t level up, you don’t have stats, you have a map, you choose what level you want to play and there’s a… boring storyline? Now, it’s not entirely fair to judge a new game by asking it to maintain the same aspects of titles from the same genre, but all of these things are certainly different when it comes to most roguelikes and possibly if these were my only “complaints” (and they would be more opinion than valid) I would be more willing to accept these diversions from what one normally considers when they throw around the word “roguelike.” The problem is that these diversions suck and don’t really create anything good.
by Chezni
I just discovered Aidyn Chronicles in space. And it is…
All right. I’ll admit it. I’m in love with absolutely terrible RPGs. This is one of them. Full warning–I’m rating this at Tier 1. This is probably not even close to a Tier 1 title for most people. That being said, here we go into the world of Anachronox.
by Chezni
Technicolor violence anyone?
Hotline Miami… I feel a bit out of my element here as I lack the knowledge of where to put my gaming thumb on the fanbase of this series. Having beaten the first Hotline, I may be able to start there. HM 1 was a game that celebrated violence, sex, drugs, hallucinations, rampages, rape, cruelty, murder, depression, murder again and insanity to the extreme. What made this all acceptable? Two things: 1. It’s all displayed from a top-down pixelated brightly colored viewpoint, so we as the onlooker don’t quite get a close-up view of it all. 2. It’s presented almost as an art-piece.
by Chezni I just spent the last half hour dressing up a little girl and trying to get birds to poop on her. I’m going to jail aren’t I?
I’ve actually been trying to get this one to work for a while, but have been too frustrated to make any progress. For whatever reason, my gaming PC (well laptop) which so far has been able to run any game I put into it on max settings, could not seem to power through this mobile to PC port with higher than single digit FPS. The fix was actually quite simple, but dredging up the mental energy and fortitude to pursue the fix was something I lacked until now. On the unlikely off-chance that you too are experiencing the same problems, simply open up your BaseEngine.ini file and implement the following changes I found on one of the Steam forum posts:
bSmoothFrameRate=TRUE to FALSE
ImageReflectionTextureSize=1024 to 2048
TerrainMaterialMaxTextureCount=16 to 32
TerrainTessellationCheckDistance=4096.0 to “1024.0”
Ran perfectly fine after that.
by Chezni
… … … click here for 100% realistic simulation of Chezni*
I broke down and traveled through the Uplay realm to play this one. I had to. I’ve been waiting literally years to play this one. Ever since I saw my brother play this back in 2013, it genuinely just looked fun. Like, lots of fun. A game where you wear a Hawaiian shirt, run around and shoot terrorists and boars and have access to a quantity of guns and rides that would make Rambo jealous? I’m in. The problem is (and a big reason why Lepcis and I are doing this Steam challenge to begin with) is that I bought a pack of Far Cry games and *forced* myself to play through and 100% the first two before I’d let myself play this one. Truth is, while the first two weren’t bad games, they weren’t the one I wanted to play. Call it thick-headed gaming machoism or perhaps completionist masochism but it’s the truth. That was the kind of gamer I used to be before we started doing this. Anecdote in mind but out of the way, there’s no way I was going to let even Uplay ruin this one for me.