Assassin’s Creed Revelations

So here’s the funny part. I have this game installed. I have a computer that can run it just fine. I have my controller plugged in. I even know how to deal with Uplay’s/Ubisoft’s bullcrap in order to get the game to run. The thing is? I can’t stomach the thought of running this executable. It literally makes me sick when I think about it. I’ve played this game. I’ve played this game 3 damn times already. How do I know that? 5 years ago, I bought this game to play with my wife. She was excited that the multiplayer allowed you to play as a female assassin. So for two hours, we ran, jumped and stabbed our way through several multiplayer games until we got bored and never turned on the game again since… 07/13/2012 apparently.

The novelty of being a female assassin quickly wore off for my wife and she lost interest. “Hey, it’s cool that they’re letting be a female assassin, but we’re just kind of doing the same thing over and over.” Similarly, from the moment I turned on Revelations and we began to play (at this point in my life, having only played the original Assassin’s Creed) I thought to myself, “Hey, it’s cool that the controls and gameplay are so similar to the original that I know exactly how to do everything.” Then I stopped and in a dead-pan mental voice said, “Oh my word. The controls and gameplay are so similar to the original that I know exactly how to do everything.”

As is no secret today, Ubisoft has become somewhat notorious with their Assassin’s Creed franchise. What began as a completely new and revolutionary way to play an assassin game, quickly became a cash cow that was barely altered, improved or otherwise made more interesting than its progenitor in any way. Graphics improved, more “stuff” was added, but the game sadly is always the same damn thing. You scale walls of every imaginable surface. You fight off guards. You jump into hay. You kill people. You do quests. You climb. The damn. Towers. Over and over and over again.

I wish I had realized this when I purchased a pack of Assassin’s Creed games all those years ago. It pains me that I may have become a statistic amongst Ubisoft’s sales team that would seem to indicate that I was so much a fan of the series that I was willing to purchase the first four titles. I wasn’t. I was so much a fan of the original that on good faith I purchased the three proceeding titles, and was promptly disappointed as I installed each one. Assassin’s Creed is a one-trick pony. For those willing to be entertained game after game with that one trick, fine. I’m glad you can enjoy the monotony. I however, am just depressed and sickened that instead of continuing to produce high quality games, they Ubisoft chose to produce high quantity games.

I can’t even entirely be mad though, can I? We keep buying them. AC has been ludicrously successful. I mean, there’s a movie coming out, right? That’s not saying a whole lot considering almost every movie based on a video game has sucked more than the Hoover Dam, but still, I wonder if that’s not the better medium for the series–as a film. It almost seems that’s what all the game’s budget gets spent on anyway–lengthy cutscenes, dramatic environments and making the game look admittedly pretty as all get-out with the sacrifice of innovation. Admittedly, Ubisoft is a business and a business’s job is to make money. That being said, it doesn’t mean I have to play their frustratingly repetitive games that I own, nor does it mean that I have to buy any more of them. Tier 3.

Steam Link