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Why do I–Why–Why do I have this. WHY–why do I have THIS. WHY DO I–WHY DO I HAVE–THIS. THIS! WHY DO I HAVE THIS–
YOU. You! It’s your fault Culling of the Cows? Did you make a deal with Pixel Puzzle Ultimate? Did you supply them with a picture in a desperate attempt to gain traffic to you game? Did everyone who had a copy of Culling of the Cows get a free copy of Pixel Puzzle Ultimate as part of the deal? Did they? DID THEY?!? Oh, you think you stop me? This is the last game in my Steam library. THE LAST. You want a review? You want a review of this huh? FINE. I’LL GIVE YOU A REVIEW.
Pixel Puzzle Ultimate is a microtransaction POS that can’t even get the whole “puzzle” thing right. I mean, piece management, piece sorting, piece snapping and rotating–this they have. But how, how can I ask you, did they make a puzzle game where the mouse and by extension any piece you’re dragging around lags? I mean, fair enough, computers are annoying finicky things and what works on one computer might not work on another but still. You’re game does one thing. One simple thing. How is it not optimized to run on my computer? How? But enough of that. What do you get with the game? Well, just what you’d expect. You put together puzzles. There’s a meager free section but if you wander in any direction away from that, you get slapped on the wrist with a price tag ranging anywhere from a couple of dollars to 12 bucks. 12 bucks! For a single pack of puzzles!
Ultimately though, I think we need to ask ourselves the important questions. Did we need this? Did anyone want this? And if anyone did want it, why isn’t this just a freeware program where anyone can load whatever pictures they want into a Steam Workshop? Is the world truly so full of desperate and dumb puzzle-lovers that they have put money into this program? It looks like a brief search online easily brings up a browser-based free version anyway! At any rate, this is easy Tier 4 fodder. Even while I lay it to rest, I can’t help but imagine it smirking in satisfaction that it got more of a rile out of me than it was worth.
